coachlea's blog

By Lea Belair

Since so many of my coaching clients have resonated with a story that I've called “throw your sacred cow over the cliff,” I ‘m giving it a reprise here as a creative way to think about this new year if you break the rules!

Here is the story:
A wise man was walking with his student and conversing about the importance of visiting new places and meeting new people, and the knowledge one can gain from these experiences. As they are walking they came upon a very poor area, and passed a rundown house where they saw a couple with their three children.

All five were dressed with torn clothes and they had no shoes. The house was neglected and had a few pieces of very broken furniture. The wise man approached the father and inquired as to how he manged to survive in this impoverished area where there was no commerce or work opportunity. The man answered that the family owned a small cow that produced some milk; some of which they traded in the nearby town for other food, and the rest they used to make some cheese and yogurt for themselves. That is how they survived. The wise man thanked him for his honesty, looked around for a few minutes, and went on his way.

As they walked on the wise man told his student that he must go back, find the cow, and throw her over the abyss. The student was shocked and tried to convince his teacher that this would be a mistake, that it would surely destroy the poor family. The wise man listened and then walked away leaving his student behind. Being faithful, the student went back and fulfilled his teacher's wish, but the picture of the cow falling down the abyss kept torturing him.

The student was never able to completely forget the incident. A few years later he decided to go back and see if there was any way he could help the family, or possibly repay them for the suffering he had caused. As he approached the area he immediately noticed a change, every thing looked nice and well kept. He became very depressed and was sure that the family, after losing their one cow, had been forced from their house and land just to survive. As he continued walking he saw a new house in place of the old one, and as he approached the house he saw a vaguely familiar man standing in the doorway.

He inquired after the poor family, with the single cow, that used to live there but he was told that the same family still lived there. He then asked how they had managed to pull out of such dire poverty and become successful. The man smiled and told him that a few years before their only cow had suddenly disappeared and that initially they were in shock; but as a result they had to develop new skills and find new ways to survive. The man admitted that the loss of the cow had been the best thing that ever happened to the family.
–Author unknown; story circulated on the web.

What sacred cow can you throw over the cliff to expend what is possible for you in the coming year?

Leave a comment and let us know!

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Lea Belair is a partner in the Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc.; a principal in Vital Business (A Division of the Coaching Center of Vermont); a leader in the coaching profession, and author of Walk on Water: How to Make Change Easier.

By Sharon Snow

You've worked your ass off to get where you are because well, everyone knows women work twice as hard as men and are at least 10 times as smart. As Ann Richards used to say, “The rooster crows but the hens deliver.”

So now that you've got a title and maybe even a window you don't want to trip up and slide back down the ladder even if you do have a mild concussion from bumping your head against that damn glass ceiling.

Now I don't want to scare you or anything — but, the truth is that it can all fall apart in the splash of a cocktail, the flash of too much cleavage, or asking your boss, “Who's that doofus in the corner with the comb over?”

That's right, I'm talking about navigating the minefield called the Company Holiday Party. I'm not saying you shouldn't go – I mean you have to go – I just want you to know that there are absolutely no do-overs when it comes to making an ass of yourself.

The fact is that the Company notes are written in permanent marker and will remain in the water cooler history book forever. People will pass down the stories of how you drank out of the punchbowl with the ladle, did an imitation of Sarah Palin (well, okay that might be funny,) stood on a chair and sang “I Will Survive,” and how your dress was too damn short and the five-inch heels made you look like a hooker.

I'm telling you careers are ruined over less and, Girlfriend, I really don't want you to go down in flames or even smoke. I want you to be the amazingly smart, competent, talented, successful, leading-the-way woman that you are. Just remember that when you're tempted to drink too much and let it all hang out — I mean it's a good bet that what's hanging out just shouldn't be seen in public.

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Sharon Snow is a Women's Leadership Coach, writer and columnist for Vermont Woman. Sharon uses a strengths-based model to leverage and enhance the skills and knowledge each woman already possesses. The results are truly transformational, allowing women to step up to being confident and skilled visionary leaders.

By Liz Dallas

During a recent family vacation to Yellowstone National Park, my curiosity was piqued while studying the landscape behind a sign that read, “This forest seeded by natural forest fire.”  As far as the eye could see, lodge pines stood tall and thicker than previously viewed sections of the park.  How could it be that such life was created out of such devastation?

When I returned, I set out to research this phenomenon of nature’s method of procreating life.  My findings drove home the miracle of transformation — that change requires a catalyst and that the most dramatic, spectacular, life-giving transformations require catalysts that completely wipe out and destroy the life that precedes them.[i]

In the case of the lodge pine, mature pinecones need to sit in the ground undisturbed for 40 or more years before they are prime for seeding.  And even then, it requires the intense heat of fire to melt away the wax coating and release the winged seedlings into the nurturing ashen soil that makes new growth possible.  Younger pinecones will yield less productive seedlings; older cones will yield highly thick, healthier trees.[ii] In this section of Yellowstone, the seedlings are more than one million per acre dense.  And as the trees begin new life, the phenomenon of this steroid-like growth is replicated in other plant life as well.  Brilliant wildflowers and other vibrant vegetation quickly burst to life, giving the landscape exceptional beauty to attract insects and animal life to the area—all which serve to nurture the forest that will grow to serve the life it protects and feeds.

In my role as a corporate leadership coach, I am in the business of nurturing emerging leaders to succeed their predecessors such that organization ensures long-term success.  As an organization initiates this act of preservation and growth, invariably it endures the chaos and short-term costs of uprooting old ways of doing business so that the new, more relative and sustainable ways of doing business can emerge.  This is an uprooting that can often catch the established leaders off guard (even the very ones who have set the directive); many times, they are simply not ready for the grief that accompanies the process of ending the old so that the new can begin.

Today’s emerging business leaders are creating cultures marked by the seeds of collaboration that spawn innovation. They invite the integration of diverse contributors, making it essential that each member of the organization be intimately connected to the unique difference they make. Being part of something bigger than themselves is the essential fuel for ensuring personal significance and corporate relevance.  There is no room for widgets that merely make the machine that run by the leader; instead, each gear must drive itself out of the inspiration to be part of something meaningful and bigger than the tasks at hand.

There is much to learn about the process of cultural transformation for our 21^st century businesses. And I have to ask the provocative questions of my generation of baby boomers:

• Are we ready for the extreme heat and pressure that is required to melt away the exoskeleton of corporate systems?
• Are we waiting for economic, political, or demographic conditions to serve as the catalyst for transformation (like 25-40% of today’s leaders retiring in the next 5-12 years)?
• How might we artificially create the catalysts of cultural transformation such that we cultivate it vs. be a victim of it?
• What kind of leaders do we need to be in order for these new leaders to be successful for the sake of succession?

My sense is that visionary coach leaders are best equipped to inspire and empower the leaders of tomorrow to create what’s possible for our businesses…for our world.  I invite your thoughts on this too! Join the conversation by leaving your comment, below.

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Founder of the Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc, Liz Dallas coaches corporate leaders to grow their own capacity for transformational leadership and to develop emerging leaders to steward bottom line success. For more information on the transformation of corporate cultures, visit the CCVT Vital Business Division.

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[i] Read about Yellowstone National Park forest seeded by forest fires.

[ii] Read more about the seeding of lodge pinecones.

By Lea Belair, Business Innovator – Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc.

Like it or not, business leaders are reinventing, retooling and reengineering to become leaner and greener as we find ourselves in the new global economic reality. Integral to the process of reinvention, we’re seeing the value of conversation and story rise to the top of the chatter and clutter of relationship building. The value of conversation and story, couched in ever-new and ever-changing technologies, is that it prompts us to expand how we interface with customers and business partners alike because: Together we are better.  I’ll share a story of how this works in a few moments…

Synergy means different entities cooperate advantageously for a final outcome. Simply defined, the whole is greater than the sum of the individual parts. We’ve long known that our story is our enduring value. Each company, each industry segment, each customer, has their unique story, and that story is their sweet spot. In order to act synergistically, we are prompted to start new conversations, in new sectors, with new customers and new partners – and to and keep those conversations alive and vital. Leaving behind the wasteful practices of traditional competition, this need for synergy evolves us beyond competition to coopetition, where through conversation and dialog and the desire to do and be more with less, each business weaves together the parts of their business where they can stick to their story, do not compete, and  where they share common costs and resources.

Here’s a simple story of synergy and coopetition in action:

The Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc. provides training in coaching skills as well as individual and group coaching programs. The University of Vermont’s Vermont Business Center provides professional certificate programs and educational resources to the professional community. After a four year traditional working partnership, we decided to pursue a new value proposition: Better together. Our conversation led us to reinvent our relationship so that the Coaching Center now contributes its bricks and mortar capital at the Champlain Mill in Winooski and administrative support, as well as our virtual community and name recognition and UVM/VBC gets to maximize its existing resources and training caché without diluting its resources and focus in lean times. One advantageous result, the Coaching Center of Vermont was able to secure $18,000 in grant funding from the Vermont Training Program at the Vermont Department of Economic Development for its UVM/VBC offerings without siphoning funds away from the University of Vermont’s funding pot.

As we move to greater expansion of our web-based presence and constant innovation, many companies are creating new platforms for conversation such as blogging, micro-blogging and commenting. In this environment, customers increasingly drive the conversation and the opportunity for synergy. As we invest in a new, sustainable business infrastructure, we invite others into our sphere of influence in the spirit of synergy and coopetition.

How can we constructively engage our customers and partners in the conversation without having to control it, rather co-create it? Change is happening more rapidly and complexity is going exponential. The new business model calls out to be more organic, more connected, and more resilient. As in the story above, in the spirit of synergy and coopetition we naturally become more entrepreneurial. We spawn prototypes that can afford to be tested, and can afford to fail. In this co-creation born out of synergy and coopetition, each player’s story stays intact, interacts, and grows in value and potential. And since story is our sweet spot…how sweet it is! So let’s keep the conversation going….Get involved in the conversation by replying below with your thoughts!

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Lea Belair is a thought leader in the field of change management. As a partner in the Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc., leader in the coaching profession, and author of Walk on Water: How to Make Change Easier, Lea inspires and empowers those she works with to thrive in change.

Winooski, VT —October 20, 2009 — The Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc. (CCVT), announced that Lea Belair, Director of Coaching and Training, and co-owner of the Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc., has been awarded designation as a Certified Trainer for the Change Cycle™ series of organizational training programs.

The Change Cycle was developed 16 years ago by Ann Salerno and Lillie Brock. Their work was originally distributed by Interchange International Inc. which is known today as CCMC Inc. CCMC Inc., is an international training and development company with offices in metro Washington, DC and Durban, South Africa.

As a Certified Trainer and coach, Belair is able to offer organizational training programs for general employees and all levels of management, with formats ranging from 60-minute overviews to two-day manager training sessions. The Change Cycle Series is designed to assist people in gaining the perspective, tools, and vocabulary to accurately identify the specific issues and questions that are relevant to their implementation of organizational change.

Because of her coaching background and orientation, Belair pairs training with coaching for better return on investment. Studies show that coaching paired with training increased productivity by up to 88% when one-to-one coaching (for eight weeks) was added to a training intervention with managers. Manager productivity increased by only 22 percent with just training alone. (Source: Olivero, G., Bane, K.D., and Kopelman, R.E. (Winter, 1997.)

In addition to training, Belair is available for keynote presentations and seminars, to help people and organizations thrive in change.

By Laura Lind-Blum

Fire. It's one of the four classical elements; a gift from Prometheus who stole it from the Gods, and gave it to humans for their protection and as a source of creative potential.

(The Gods were NOT happy about this and sentenced Prometheus to a torturous punishment of being chained to a rock and having his liver eaten by an eagle. And as an immortal, Prometheus got to experience this as an endless daily experience. I believe this violation also gave rise to the “to do” list of modern experience — or maybe that was Sisyphus's fault — Either way, note to self: do not anger the Gods!)

We have a rich and complex relationship with fire. Both destructive and creative, fire burns, protects, and transforms. Fire represents our energy, assertiveness, passion, enthusiasm, courage, ferocity, desire, anger, intensity, and wildness. It is our initiative, our will to action, and the drive to keep going. Our creative force.

And as every cub scout knows, to create a fire you need three things: combustible fuel, heat or spark, and air. Or in creative equivalents: available focused energy, ways to create a spark of an idea, abundant space and inspiration.

Are any of these fire scenarios sounding the alarm for you?

Fire! Fire! Fire! You are always on the alert, ready to call the general alarm. Grabbing your firefighter's hat, with siren's blaring, you run to provide a heroic response in relation to all fires, large and small. You know a lot about how fires behave. You can almost feel them getting out of control. The urgency can be very exciting, and if you get too caught up in it you might find yourself unable to distinguish between a true conflagration and a false alarm. Left unexplored, this scenario can lead to Pyromania.

Response: Seek alternatives to adrenaline, which is a powerful, and ultimately unsustainable fuel. Get curious about the root cause of all these fires. How can you shift your focus and use your talents in the service of fire prevention.

Can't Catch a Spark. You experience real difficulty getting a good fire started. Your creative fires start to fizzle before they can really catch…leaving you spluttering in the smoke. You aren't getting much warmth for all that work. And you feel like you are running out of matches and all of your kindling is sopping wet.

Response: Analyze your fire starting practices. Do you need more spark? Fuel? or Air/Space/Inspiration? Or a better balance of the three? What is happening at the root of your fire. Are you trying to build a fire up to fast by overloading it with fuel? Maybe the environment needs your attention? Can you make it more friendly to your fuel source and protect yourself from deluges of criticism, self invoked or otherwise.

Ready for Pyromaniacs Anonymous. You just LOVE lighting fires because fires are so exciting. You just can't stop yourself. In fact, you like starting fires much more than you like tending them. And truth be told, you don't give much thought to whether the fire goes out — you can always start another one, right? But take a look around. Is there damage happening in your wake? Are you burning through your fuel? It takes a lot more energy to light a fire than to keep banked coals glowing.

Response: Discover the most productive ways of using your fuel and fully centering your passion. Focus your energies and feed the fires that most feed you. Partner with some fire tenders to help keep the best fires burning. Extinguish the rest. Not all fires need to be kept burning, but untended fires can be dangerous.

Wildfire Wrangler. You have no trouble keeping your fires burning; your like your fires at edge of danger; just shy of getting out of control. And sometimes you find new fires popping up all over the place — too many to keep your eye on every one (maybe you can't say no?). You are rushing around trying to stay on top of them. Fires this hot need constant attention and fire breaks — boundaries or they will burn out of control, and may consume you in the process.

Response: Create flexible containment for your passions, without putting the fires out. Keep the best, longest lasting fuel deep in the core of the fire. When the edges of your work get too far away for the core, pull them in. If it gets too hot, too wild, pull back to get a clearer perspective on where this fire is going, and where you want it to go. How can you direct it for the best impact. Are there ways to let your self burn freely, without burning down the house, or the neighborhood?

Burned Out. There is no flame, no fuel, no air. Perhaps you have lit one too many fires, and it got away from you; or you've seen too many fires suffocate and smoke, leaving black, charred scars; or maybe you have had your healthy passion get out of control and you ran out of fuel.

Response: Prepare for new growth. You've cleaned out the undergrowth and deadwood. Long buried seeds have cracked and are getting ready to sprout. The ash of past fires is nourishing the soil. You need time: to recover, to consider how the devastating fire happened, and to integrate it, in preparation for beginning anew. Like the ancient trees, fire can make you stronger.

Clean Burner. You have mastered the steady burn. Your creative focus is sustainable. Efficient. Purposeful. You have crafted right sized fires to accomplish your intended result. You can run on all kinds of fuel. You have a variety of ways to create spark. You give yourself lots of space; and you put yourself in the path of a steady flow of inspiration — all thoughtfully contained and directed.

Response: Pay attention now to insuring a sustainable fuel supply and increasing the efficiency of the burn. Have a containment plan for flare-ups. Consider when any particular effort has fulfilled it's purpose and can be extinguished, using the glowing embers to start new initiatives.

What's your favorite fire scenario? What strategies do you like to keep on hand in your “first responders” toolkit? Add a comment to share your thoughts.

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Laura Lind-Blum, the idea midwife™ uses playful strategies to help you bring your creative self into the world … without so much pushing. Laura can help you to playfully build and sustain forward movement, turn stuck places into stepping stones, and gracefully dance with the ebbs and flows of the creating process. Email Laura today and discover the joy of creating and living an unusually authentic and fulfilling life!

By Lucy Gage Bogue

It is the beginning of a new school year. As parents we have hopes and goals for our children, be they gifted or otherwise, for the coming year. We hope they connect with other children. We hope they have a teacher who knows how to keep them stimulated and challenged; yet who also knows that they may need nurturing and support at times. Perhaps our goals are academic, perhaps social, and perhaps they are more related to our children’s emotional health.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we also supported our children in identifying and working on their own goals and hopes for the year? What might that look like?

It all begins with listening. Throughout my training this past year to become a family coach, I was asked to think and write a lot. I wrote about my philosophy of family coaching, my signature story of how I got into family coaching, and my message, which is the driving force behind my passion for family coaching. The word that kept appearing in all of my writing is listening.  I realized that one powerful reason family coaching is such a successful process is because it focuses on listening.

What does it mean to really listen? One way to look at this is to look at what listening is not. Are any of the following true for you?

• Do you spend more time talking than listening?
• Do you continue your current activity when your child tries to talk with you?
• Do you listen to your own internal dialogue and not your child’s?
• Do you interrupt or finish your child’s sentences?
• Do you plan your response before your child has finished?
• Do you jump to conclusions or think you have the answer/solution?

If you are answering ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, you may want to consider the following challenge:  Put down the newspaper or the dish you are washing, look your child in the eyes, and listen “with your lips shut.”  In fact, you may want to practice asking an open-ended question (one that cannot be answered with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’) and then bite down on your pen so that you cannot speak. Watch your child’s body language and listen for the meaning behind her words. What happens when you listen like this?

The goal of listening is to understand your child.  It takes practice to shift from listening from your own point of view to listening to your child’s point of view. And it takes further practice to make the next shift from listening to your child’s point of view to listening from your child’s point of view.  Try imagining yourself in your child’s shoes. What would it be like to be facing a new school year, a new teacher, new classmates, perhaps even a new school? Even more importantly, what would it be like to do all of these things given your child’s emotional intensity, say, or her perfectionist tendencies, or her current level of social maturity?

If you are the parent of a gifted child, imagine how frustrating it must be for your eager son as he sits through the inevitable first weeks of curriculum review and more review. As he aces placement tests that show he already knows most of what will be taught in the coming year. As your daughter realizes that once again she has no true intellectual peers in her classroom. And that she will not have any friends unless she hides her intelligence and her enthusiasm for learning.

When you establish a close relationship with your child in the earlier years, the same child in his teen years is more likely to talk with you about more serious concerns.  Say he is in tenth grade and wants to drop out of school because it is not offering him opportunities for learning and growing. You feel strongly that a high school diploma is absolutely necessary, so how do you keep from just blowing your top? Ask questions, listen to him, and be there for him through this difficult time. Offer your thoughts in small doses while remembering that he is his own person and needs to make his own decisions.

Or say your daughter loses it when she gets a “D” on her first college paper after never getting any grade less than an “A” in high school.  For the first time she grapples with the fact that being smart does not mean, as she thought it did based on her life experiences thus far, that everything in life will come easily to her. She feels like a fraud. Would she come to you during this tumultuous time if she did not trust you to listen to her?

You are your child’s rock. The challenge is to be there for your child, without judgment, as he navigates new waters and faces the challenges that each year presents. You do not need to have all of the answers; in fact your job is to help him figure out his own answers. You ask questions and listen to the answers, and then ask more questions that help your child become clear about whatever the current situation is, and figure out ways to move forward from there. You are, in a sense, your child’s coach.

Whether in casual conversation, talks about personal or academic goals, or more intentional family meetings, the key is, through it all, to be sure that your children’s voices are heard. And this means less talking and more listening on the part of the adults. Have you ever heard the idea that you have two ears and only one mouth so that you can do twice as much listening as talking?  It’s something to consider!

As the new school year begins, learn to ask your child questions that help her explore the possibilities for the new school year. Ask her questions, and then listen to her response. Really listen. It may take several attempts before she realizes that you will not talk over her, and that you are serious about understanding her.

Continue to make this a daily practice, and the school year will sail more smoothly. And you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship with your child. She will feel your respect and your love, know your appreciation and support, and reflect these back to you in wonderful ways.

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Lucy Gage Bogue, MA is a Certified Family Coach & Gifted Education Specialist.  She has a rich depth of experience as an educational consultant, director of the Talent Development Institute, co-founder and director of the Green Mountain Center for Gifted Education. Lucy coaches parents of gifted children and teens to help increase their understanding of themselves and their children, identify what is most important within their families and their lives, and improve their communication skills.  She coaches teens and young adults as well.  Click here to send an email to Lucy

By Kim DuBrul

Ever since I was a little girl I have always love back-to-school time!  Besides Christmas it was pretty much my favorite time of year.  I spent my time pouring over fashion magazines, looking at the latest styles and thinking about how I wanted to present myself each year. Then –  back-to-school clothes shopping at the “big mall” — a very special day.  And don't forget buying new supplies — fresh paper, pens, and notebooks (the old fashioned ring kind, not the computerized kind) that were empty, yet full of possibility!  Fall sports and activities on the horizon, back to routine and seeing friends.  A new school year brought a feeling of hope, anticipation, and fresh starts.

I still feel this back-to-school energy each year as August comes to a close. And being a huge fan of fresh starts (I’ve been known to make up all kinds of reasons for fresh starts) I think I will take myself back-to-school and capitalize on this amazing energy I have going on!  I am not going back to school in the traditional sense, though that is always a possibility.  I am taking all of the things I loved about back-to-school time and letting myself experience them again in a new way!

Here's my list of focus areas & questions for my Back-to-School Plan:

Style. What do I want to change about my current style?  Are there a few key wardrobe pieces that I could get that could upgrade my look?  What image would I like to portray this Fall?  Do I need a new hair style?  Part of my plan in this area is to do something I always loved to do growing up — I am going to the bookstore to get a stack of fall fashion magazines to help me get educated!  (I just can’t deny that fashion education of mine!)

Supplies. What kind of supplies will make my going back to school fun?  I am going to make a visit to a big office supplies store to see all the latest and greatest pens, papers — and maybe even new notebook just for fun!  I think I’ll get some colored paper and maybe even some stickers that say “Great Job!” just to give myself some well earned credit.

Activities/Sports. Since I want to be a well-rounded student, what extracurriculars  will I participate in this fall? I might form my own hiking club, with me as the only member.  I would like to join a book club (but I would like that to have other people in it!).  I plan to take dance class again, but one or two classes?  I want to learn new things, so I might try the Nia class given through FlynnArts this Fall because I have no idea what it is and it sounds great!  Of course, I always have the million things I do each week with my kids, so I think that may do it.  (I may even be filling in as Mites soccer coach here and there and I don’t know how to play soccer!  Cheerleading for soccer doesn’t really provide knowledge of the game!)

Learning. What new things do I want to learn this Fall? (since I get to choose!)  What classes and teleclassses do I want to take? What books do I want to read?  What is at least one  classic book that I have always meant to read, but never “got around to it?”  Who do I want as my teachers/coaches? Again, because I have so many interests, the idea of being well rounded appeals to me.  To help me decide where to spend my time, I am going to make a list of all of my learning interests and then a list of all the possible people I could learn from, classes and teleclasses I can take and books I can read in those areas.  Then I will make a decision of where to invest my time.

Of course, I still have to work and be productive at work while doing my back-to- school plan, so I will get out my calendar and schedule all of these things in.  I feel certain that all of the back to school energy I have stored up will propel me through!  I know that when I am excited about something, there is no stopping me! I also feel that this energy along with my plan will greatly benefit my work and my clients, as well.

I share these ideas with you as a way to spring board some exciting new thoughts and ideas for you. Feel free to do it my way, or make up your own back-to-school plan! Either way, the underlying theme is fun, exuberance and lightheartedness — the way it was in childhood!  Back when you knew anything was possible….

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Kim DuBrul APC, GPC has coached hundreds of clients over the past 8+ years and is the only coach in the world that is certified in both Power Coaching with Mind Kinetics™ and Mindscan/Hartman Values Profile methodologies.  Call Kim today to find out how extremely unique tools and help you tap into more creative ideas and solutions for your life, your project, your team, your business, or your athletic pursuits.  She can be by email, through her website  your yearoftransformation.com, or by phone (802)985-2482.

By Lucy Gage Bogue

“We are human beings; we are not human doings,” writes James Flaherty in his book, Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others. Sometimes this seems very difficult to remember, doesn’t it? It is so easy to get caught up in perpetual motion and forget to slow down, breathe deeply, and appreciate all that life has to offer.

August has always been a time of great anticipation for me—of the new school year, new possibilities, and renewed energy with the cooler weather (that is, of course, assuming that summer has actually arrived by this publishing date!). However, I also slightly dread the fuller schedules and sometimes overabundance of activities that come along with this season. It is so easy to get caught up in the doing, and forget to enjoy being fully present in my life.

Here’s a morning practice that I’ve tucked into my mornings that has increased the number of days in my life when I have felt fully present, aware, and alive.  During my morning quiet time, rather than thinking about all the many things on my to-do list, I now think about what I want and need from myself in order for it to be the best day possible. Upon awakening, I now ask myself, “How do I want to be today?” rather than “What do I need to do today?” I assess what my starting point is each morning, and decide how I need to be. Am I feeling tired, distracted, eager, or angry? Today, do I need patience, humor, persistence, joy, or perhaps lightness?

What a wonderful shift in attitude I have had toward my days since I have started this practice!  Both doing and being are important in life, but focusing on how I want to BE in life has produced more lasting change for me. It can for you, too!

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A certified family coach, Lucy Gage Bogue works with the parents of gifted children and teens, to help increase their understanding of themselves and their children, identify what is most important within their families and their lives, and communicate better with family members and others in their lives. Lucy also has programs for gifted teens and gifted young adults that help them to better understand themselves, their own giftedness, and their own values and dreams.

By Marty Garrett

Imagine you’re on vacation in a beautiful spot. The weather is perfect, and your day is unscheduled. You have been looking forward to this for months, knowing you desperately need a break from your frantic routine. Eating your yummy breakfast outside in the warm sun, you begin to notice a nagging tension.  You realize your mind is running its usual stories; stories that prevent you from enjoying your breakfast and settling into the ease of the landscape.

Instead of taking some time to be with your chatter, you fight with it, giving yourself a hard time for not being relaxed. This makes the chatter louder and louder. Damn, it’s going to ruin my day. It shouts to you, “I should be more relaxed,” “why can’t I enjoy my vacation,” on and on and on, a familiar broken record.

Any change, even a positive one, takes adjusting to. During your first day of vacation, it takes time to slow down and let go of your daily routine. It’s important to honor this time and give yourself a break. The chatter is a signal to you, to slow down and pay attention.

Fighting with it never works. Instead, try the option of noticing your thoughts,
Breathing into them, feeling where they live in your body, and simply being with what is.

The sequence is:
Notice,
Allow,
Breathe,
And let go.

As you breathe gently, you may find that you have to sit with your discomfort for a while. You may decide to get up and go for a walk. You will find that your body begins to relax, your mind slows down, and you are able to be present in the moment and simply enjoy the pleasure of eating a well planned breakfast.

Being present in the moment allows you to experience the beauty of your surroundings. You allow yourself to really feel the warmth of the sun, and and to sink into the pace of a vacation day. A day that will unfold in surprising ways as you lean in to each moment, moment by moment.

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Marty Garrett is a Life & Relationship Coach, working with individuals, couples, and parents to help them create extraordinary relationships with self, others, and the world