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found via kind over matter, but originally uploaded by .naa.

I've taken some time this month to clean out my Gmail, the main goal being to have a completely empty Inbox. I went through each email one by one, adding it to my Gmail Task List and/or archiving it away, until I got to the very last entry. It was  labeled “journal” & dated 12/14/06.  I knew it was there for me to print & tape into my actual journal (which I never write in unless things are bad/sad/confusing & I need some clarity), but I don't think I've looked at it in all these 31(!) months.

In December of 2006 I was dating Luke for almost a year, & we were living together, & things were both hunky & dorey.   But while I was in this amazing relationship, and at a “grown-up, non-sales, getting-my-full-paycheck-all-the-time job, my 9-6 or 7 or 8 job” that, at the time, I liked despite my “condescending micro-manager” of a boss (who would eventually get so condescending & so micro-managing that I I once dry heaved into the trash at the Union Sq subway station on my way to work, only to feel fine the second I was on the train heading home).

The confusion I felt was in regards to acting - my passion, my dream since I was an Annie wannabee. Here's what I wrote:

“I feel my acting stuff just sorta slipping away. I still have the desire and the need to do it – if I didn’t I wouldn’t be upset about it – but I lost the optimism and the spark. I don’t feel jaded, per se – just worn out and tired of all this. I’m tired of chugging along, of the highs that don’t materialize and the lows that are just crushing. I feel like I’m not making headway, that I’ve never made headway. OK, maybe I am just a bit jaded.

But then it comes back around to the other part of what I need and what I want, which is a relationship that’s not strained by me being away, which is something more than a load of temp jobs, which is paying off my debts (even if it’s a little at a time) and being financially stable, and having a social life in NYC. And while I’m itching to be on stage again, I don’t want to give up the other pieces of what I need.

So I’m desperately trying to figure out a balance between my heart and my head. Do I do this job and have my social life and take a break from the business of show? Or do I do this job and take all my personal days for auditions, to keep plugging away at this? Or do I do this job and try to do my own show, even if nobody sees it except for me friends and family? Or do I just throw in the towel, keep on plugging away at my day job for a paycheck and the lifestyle I want to lead? Or do I go back to school to try to find something else that I can be passionate about?

I’ve been trying to unjumble my head for over a year with all this, and while I want to make both things work – be able to go on auditions and do extra work while I also have my “day job” – the more I try the more tired I feel. So what’s the compromise?

I feel like I’m a Practical Dreamer.”

That spring, I enrolled in the Career Change Workshop at NYU. That summer, I enrolled at ICA to be a life coach. I found my way, but I can't help wondering how I really got here. I think it consisted of:

• being tired. Let's face it, I was worn out, beat down, & “jaded”. I lost my spirit & I wanted it back.
• feeling “stuck”. I knew that I wasn't going out on auditions, & eventually I realized that the job I was in was not going to be the job that I was going to have forever (or even another year!). I knew I needed to make a change or risk making a “career” out of doing something that I rocked at, but hated (namely sales & customer service, since my experience & personality kept me steadily employed in those fields)
• growing up. At the age of age of almost-29, I knew that the one goal I had my whole life was no longer the “right” goal for me. My priorities had changed into “grown up” ones & I wanted to pave a new path based on them.
• refusing to compromise. I could have easily stayed with that job for, oh, as long as I could have taken it. Or, I could have left & gone to the next customer service/sales position. But that was unacceptable to me. I spent my whole life chasing a dream, trying to make a living doing something I loved - making a living not doing something I loved was not an option.
• being a self-starter. I know it's an extreme comparison, but changing careers is like being an addict. You have to acknowledge you have a problem & then you have to be the one to do something about it - nobody can fix your problem for you but you.

Where are you on your journey? Are you contemplating a new path, are taking steps to get there, or do you know what you want but not how to get it? I'd love for you to share your thoughts & experiences, & I promise that I'll use them to cater my blog posts to you. Reading this journal entry put me right back to that year of confusion & loss, & that's the reason that I became a creative career coach - to help those that are in that place. If only there was me when I needed me! Let me be me for you.

Related posts:

1. Top 5 Reasons Why My Marriage Works
2. I'm OK, You're OK, We're OK. Sharing is caring. And other such hooplah.
3. Accomplishment, Success, & Other Such Awesomeness

I don't remember how I found Another Girl at Play, but I should thank whoever it was. I think it might have been Google. Thank you, Google.

According to the homepage, this is a site that “not only shares the empowering stories of smart, artistic and unstoppable women but also wonderful links, useful resources and encouraging newsletters to help you either begin - or continue on - your creative path.” These are women (no offense, dudes) that are successful creative entrepreneurs. I read through a whole bunch of profiles & can't even pick a favorite (or 10) - every single one of these women had their own path that landed them where they are now. But, that being said, there seemed to be some common threads:

• All of them wear many hats. Think that singer just sings? Nope! She's a songwriter, a tour manager, a publicist, a booking agent, a performer, a contract writer, & a CD shipper. Think that a photographer just takes pictures? Nope! She's a marketing director, a designer, a bookkeeper, &  an account rep.
• They surrounded themselves with a big, fat support group. They gathered 'round their Moms, their siblings, their husbands or boyfriends, their best gal pals, their creative partners, their mentors. These are the people that believed in them from the beginning, at their most vulnerable & scared. Some actually decided to start their businesses because of all the encouragement they were getting from their creative friends! All the haters were kept out, so they weren't able to spread their poison and infect their dreams (so dramatic, but so true!)
• Many of them tried on many different careers before finding their passion. One successful author & designer was a make up artist, an Esthetician,  a secretary, a law clerk, & an attorney. Another illustrator was a retail clerk, an apartment building manager, an apartment cleaner and painter, a private cook, a gardener, & a bowling alley worker! An “Embroidery Goddess” worked as a photo re-toucher, a banquet waitress, a museum security guard, a nanny in Paris, a kindergarten substitute teacher, an assistant to the museum exhibition coordinator, and a museum preparator. Some of these girls knew what they wanted to do when they were knee-high, and some found it later in life. For those that followed one path, they often had “day jobs” that corresponded with their ultimate goal (i.e. a writer worked in a bookstore, a graphic designer worked as an art director, etc). There are no wrong answers!
• They realized they had to find their own path. Most of them started out living the dreams of their parents or peers, but it didn't make them happy. It was only when they faced their truths and found the goals that resonated with them that they were able to find their own path and their own successes.
• They all took baby steps. There was not one account of an “overnight success”, and I read every single one of these profiles. It starts with a class, and research, and reading, and planning, and learning from others and/or going back to school. Then there is cold calling, pitching, showing their work at shows, performing…There is no magic wand - it's half passion/drive/motivation & half really hard work!

Each one of these women gave their own advice to other artists looking to be another girl at play. Here are my favorites:

“Fortune Favors the Bold!” If you ask for something and the reply is “no” you aren’t any worse off than you are right now without it. There is no reason not to get started. -Tera Leigh

Be original. Don’t procrastinate. Set goals. Make a website. Tell others. Ask for help. Truly believe in what you do, and don’t undersell yourself, even if you are just starting. Ah, and the most important one, which I’m still working on: Learn to say no. -Lorena Siminovich

Follow your heart– It will not lead you astray.- Hope Wallace

As artists we are unique and extraordinary. Embrace your uniqueness and do not be persuaded to conform to what is perceived as normal. We think differently and live our lives differently. Being an artist is truly special. -Stephannie Barba

Erase the words, ‘yea but’ from your vocabulary. There is never a perfect time, you’ll never have the right balance in your checking account, you’ll never feel safe enough, or ready enough to do what you want. So, just get on with it already. -Pamela Barsky

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. There is no way to know everything about your creative endeavor until you start doing it. Don’t wait, thinking that you’ll start when you know what you’re doing. This will only paralyze you and keep you from ever beginning it. -Andrea Scher

It sounds stupid and really corny, but if you can see it in your mind’s eye-whatever “it” is, your goals, what you want from life, your level of happiness-you can do it. Hard work, a little bit of luck, and education are all necessary, but believing you can do it helps you put one foot in front of the other until you reach your goal. - Catherine Aurelio

Begin Now. Dream big. Keep moving forward. Research. Acknowledge successes. Connect with others on the path. Work at loving yourself. Trust. Cry (it’s o.k.) Connect again with others. Trust. Let go. Take time to fill yourself up again (down time). Reinvent when necessary. Trust.  - Keri Smith

Don’t wait. There are some things you just can’t figure out until you start doing it. Have conviction and be flexible. Stay focused while remembering to do stuff that is pointless and fun. Keep an open mind. Give it everything you can. There is no such thing as failure when you are following your passion. Don’t wait. -Julianna Arden

Get to it and do it. Learn who to listen to, and who to ignore. Go with your guts, ask for help and you’ll be steered the right way. Don’t take perceived failures too hard, learn to live with multiple rejections, and learn from them. You’ll apply what you know from the experience in the future to make the right decisions. Be persistent, tenacious and you’ll get what you’re going for. -Jenny Hart

So…are you a girl (or boy) at play?

Related posts:

1. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?
2. My 30th Year, reflected upon on my 31st birthday
3. Accomplishment, Success, & Other Such Awesomeness

Make Your Own Sunshine by the lovely & talented Jess Gonacha.

If you joined us yesterday, you read the first part of Emma Alvarez Gibson's story, where she got canned from a job she hated but needed. If you didn't, go back & read it now so that the conclusion will be even more awesome. Honestly people, when I read this post in it's entirety I had to stop & breathe for at least 5 minutes, & I couldn't get back to Emma about it until the swooning stopped the next day. I have a feeling it'll be as powerful for you as it was for me. Go somewhere quiet & enjoy it, & don't forget to read to the end for an incredible offer from Emma.

*

I felt as though I could breathe again. As I recall, my first act was to send out a text — before even starting my car — saying, “I've just been laid off. Hallelujah! Let the rest of my life begin!”

And did it ever. Let me back up a bit, though, to just a few months before the layoff, when two seemingly small things set the stage in a way I couldn't have imagined. Thing one: I read an article in (now-defunct) Domino magazine about a book called Style Statement and the two women who'd produced it. It seemed like a fabulous book, so I ordered it. When it arrived, I flipped through it and saw a photo of one of the two women, the lovely and amazing Danielle LaPorte, and thought, I need to know her.

Thing two: at the urging of a co-worker (whom I hadn't seen in months, but ran into as she was eating lunch in my building because she'd gotten lost on the way to a meeting–true story!), I attended an event put on by a local nonprofit organization called WriteGirl. (Fantastic organization, by the way.) Colleen Wainwright, aka The Communicatrix, whose blog I'd just started reading, was one of the speakers. Just before I left I saw her in the courtyard and totally accosted her. I told her how cool I thought she was and that I loved her writing. To her credit, she didn't call the police, but rather encouraged me to email her.

So I did. I emailed her to say that I very much needed a session of her particular brand of kung fu, but I was completely broke and would she be interested in a barter? Mind you, this was terrifying to me. And I told her as much, saying I was afraid that she would think I was uber-lame and that she and all the other awesome internet ladies would laugh me off the internet. But, you know, what did I have to lose, really? So I hit send, and less than a day later, she responded, saying absolutely she was interested in bartering. (Owning a massage table: handy.)

The Communicatrix session resulted, partly and perhaps most notably, in my making some changes to the blog I had then. I began posting interviews every Monday with people I thought were interesting. For the very first one, I emailed Danielle LaPorte, again ignoring that awful fear that I was nowhere near cool enough. But, like Colleen, she too said yes. And then so did lots of other people (Mark McGuinness, Andrea Scher, Peter Green and Daniel Pink, to name a few, and of course the lovely Michelle Ward! *Note from Michelle: I didn't put the “lovely” in there - I have Emma fooled!*).

So then I got laid off. And I sent out two to three different email blasts, to different groups of people in my life, letting them know I was looking for work and what my skill set was. And I blogged about it. And Tweeted about it. And Facebooked about it.

And this is the part I still can't quite get over: it worked. It totally worked. Friends (including Danielle and Colleen) recommended me, thus sending freelance work my way. And the people I did work for recommended me to other people. A web designer in my area started following me on Twitter. We got to be friends and planned a meet-up for local freelancers and creatives. Then we became business partners: we co-own Litmus Studio, a brand identity agency. We create and refine all levels of brand identity for remarkable people and organizations. (The “remarkable” bit is very important to us.)

All of which is immensely pleasing to a girl with enthusiastic interest in nearly everything, but particularly using words to connect people with themselves and with one another. If I'm doing my job well, I become a part of a different world with each project, each client. I learn about different markets, aspirations, likes and dislikes, worldviews–worlds, period–plus, I get to do the thing I love most: write and create.

Quite frankly, it's a little bit like a fairy tale. All that stuff you hear about how great it is to be your own boss? Yeah, it's true. It's also time-consuming, confusing and nerve-wracking at times. But the worst day of working for myself still beats the best day I've ever had working for someone else.

Truly: I had not realized that being this happy was an option.

*

Emma Alvarez Gibson is doing what she loves - creating & refining brand identity - as the co-owner of Litmus Studio, a brand identity agency. She's also one of the sweetest, funniest, awesomest people I've never met (but I plan to!). And to back up the claim I made yesterday that she's kick-ass, she's offering all of my readers a special discount: a one-hour Brand Alchemy session, normally a $250 value, for $100. Plus, you'll get a free bio for your website, too. Don't be a schmuck & contact her here.

Related posts:

1. Elimination Dance: Part 1
2. 5 Reasons I Got Off My Ass & Discovered a New Passion
3. Freakin' (Great Links) Friday: Installment 3

found via pecannoot

Emma Alvarez Gibson is kick-ass. That's how I need to start this intro. When I “met” her (through Twitter!), she was working full-time as a proofreader & copy editor as well as blogging her heart out on Old Soul Ink. I became a fan right away, identifying with her renaissance soul, her creative passion, & her quick wit. But in February, her life changed - and when she asked if she could write a guest post for me, I knew she had to tell her inspirational story.  If I give you her bio here, or say anything more, I'm going to ruin the story. So…just read on.

*

It's last winter. I'm working full-time as a proofreader/copy editor for an ad agency. The branch I work for is based in-house at an automotive corporation. The automotive folks are fantastic; the agency directly providing my paycheck is, how you say, a joke. I'm miserable. I've spent many, many hours sending out resume and cover letter after resume and cover letter. Arranging furtive phone interviews in the ladies' room and from my car, I am in awe at how I'm just not getting hired. It's never been this hard for me to find a job. Becoming a stay-at-home-mom is totally out of the question; our family needs to be a two-income family. (Los Angeles is many great things, but inexpensive is not one of them.)

I feel beyond stuck. And beyond guilty, reminding myself of the statistic I heard somewhere: if you are lucky enough to live in Southern California, assuming you're not below the poverty line, you're doing better than 97% of the planet. It comes in handy sometimes, but in this situation, working-class guilt is a tremendous debilitator. Because even though I'm more burnt out every day, more tired and dull and just lame, I feel like I'm being greedy for wanting something fulfilling out of my Monday-through-Friday.

But I do. I want more. A lot more. And I am beginning to think I'm never going to be able to make it happen. Partly because, although I know what sets me ablaze and what I am really, really good at, I'm not sure how to transform those things into a job. Also, I am busy blaming my inherent interest in the world at large for the position I'm in. If I were the type of person who has always wanted to be a chemist, or a baker, or a cop, I wouldn't be in this quandary. I'd have found my niche long ago and settled in for the long haul.

Instead, I'm the type of person who finds a million things fascinating. I want to learn about almost everything. I know a little about a lot, and a lot about a little–most important: words and connecting people. My interests would require a few more lifetimes for satisfactory exploration, to say nothing of my hobbies. Needless to say, my work experience is varied. Checkered. Some might say random. I've worked in PR, film and television production, publishing, sales, the spa industry, the automotive industry, the dot-com industry. I've been a manager three times, a massage therapist once, a director of editorial once and an assistant too many times to count. And that long, meandering path has led me here, to a job that should have been fantastic and was instead awful.

I'm a bit of a pathetic clod at this point, quite frankly. And then along comes February 2. I am laid off, given a short severance option and a box for my belongings, and then escorted out of the office. (My boss doesn't say good-bye, make eye contact or even remind me not to let the door hit me in the arse. Stay classy, boss man!).

Well. Everything changes.

I had four weeks of my normal paltry paycheck coming, and after that, about 60% of that paycheck, courtesy of unemployment benefits. I had no idea what to do. It was surreal. It was a tiny bit scary.

But mostly, it was effing magical.

*

Cliffhanger! Come back bright & early tomorrow to see how Emma used her bad news to create the life she's always wanted (you knew that was coming, didn't ya?), see where she landed, & get an AMAZING offer to use her services (can we say: “60% off & a treat“?! Yes, we can. I ain't kidding, people.)!

Related posts:

1. 5 Reasons I Got Off My Ass & Discovered a New Passion
2. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?
3. Top 5 Ways You Inspire Me, Mom

2009: Read It & Weep uploaded by YACHT, found via kind over matter

Chances are, if you're reading this blog, you're a creative type in one way or another. You might be an artist, a writer, a knitter, a dancer, a musician, a sculptor, an actor, a quilter, a painter or a singer. You might be a director, a filmmaker, a stage manager, a photographer, or a graphic designer. You might be a seamstress, a baker, a candlestick maker…OK, you get my point.

Chances are, you've had a day job. And while you know the benefits of having a day job (roof over your head, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, food in your mouth), you might have also caught yourself (more than once?) muttering under your breath (or aloud?):

“How is this my life?”

This probably happened after you had a date with a photocopier for an hour, or after the table of 10 left without tipping, or after you gave an interview on Good Day NY as a life-size 1800-FLOWERS gift box (yes, I have done all of these things in my lifetime, and no, there are no existing photos of Michelle-as-Flower-Box) . Even though I knew why I was there - to have a flexible schedule, to go on auditions, to make $50/hr - I found myself getting caught up in the sadness & frustration of not doing what I want to be doing with my life. Sometimes, knowing why you're doing what you're doing isn't the band-aid you're looking for. What helped me, though, is when I would apply a mantra to that situation. Something I could use to distance myself from the suckiness, so I could keep on keeping on. So, what would I repeat to myself?

“I don't care.”

While this mantra enabled me to bring my blood pressure back down, take deep breaths, & let go of the Superstar persona I'm so attached to, I was still waking up with a pit in my stomach & walking around all anxious and tense throughout the day. I realized the error of my ways recently when I spoke to my life coach (yes, life coaches have life coaches!) about it, and she suggested that, while “I don't care” was partially getting me where I want to be (more personally removed from a bad work situation), it's not empowering or positive in the least bit. So, how did I turn this mantra around?

Easy.

“I'm a coach.”

Now, when I'm at my day job (American banks aren't very quick to give mortgages to life coaches these days - so I can't leave yet!) & things go haywire & I feel that tension rising, I repeat to myself, “I'm a coach. I'm a coach. I'm a coach.” This subconsciously reminds me why I'm sitting at this desk from 9 in the morning to 6 at night. This keeps my values and goals in the forefront of my mind, and allows me to get through my day with a minimal amount of upsetness (I know that's not a word, just stay with me) and stress and frustration. Yes, things still get to me, but I know that this is part of my own path.

So you, as an actor / quilter / dancer / filmmaker / guitarist / knitter, can replace the word “coach” with the passion that you're pursuing. Does it make you want to kick some ass and take some names? Does it remind you as to why you're on this path & where you're going to end up? Is it positive? Is it empowering? If it does, have at it. If it doesn't, maybe you're slowly realizing that you're just biding your time until you find a new path. With me, I hated waitressing enough to say, “It's not worth being an actress if I have to wait tables”, and I discovered a less hated way to pay my rent. But when I found myself at my full-time customer service position a few years later, my last audition six months behind me, I knew I was kidding myself when I said, “I'm an actor.” It was time to find a new path.

So find your mantra, and listen to your answer. It might be, “I'm a sculptor.” It might be, “I'm finding my way.” But when you find it, use it. Live it. Be it.  Tattooing it backwards onto your forehead is optional.

Was this post familiar? If so, it's because you're part of the cool club & received edition #3 of my newsletter. If not, then what are you waiting for? - the next one's out on Friday! Don't miss out & sign up here.

Related posts:

1. I'm on The Sweet Life Files at Lolalina!
2. The Story of My Life, or Why I Stopped Pounding (my head against the) Pavement
3. Your Life Sentence: The Six-Word Memoir

Zooey Deschanel, in pink, with the rest of Munchausen by Proxy in “Yes Man”

“The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it.” - Allison in Yes Man

Last week, I finally got to see Yes Man, the romantic comedy starring Jim Carrey.  I remember the hulabaloo around the coaching community when this movie came out, praising it for the message it sent: say Yes to everything! Yes to party invites from the nerdy boss! Yes to mail-order wives! Yes to giving homeless men rides to deserted parks at night! Personal safety aside, I know that the overall message resonated with a lot of people. While I'm still someone who's learning how to say “No” - without feeling like I'm disappointing the world/being an asshole - what I got from the movie is to say “Yes” to something new: to expand your horizons, meet new people, do something scary.

But there was another message in that movie that I haven't heard anyone talk about, & that's the part that still has me thinking two weeks later: the life that Zooey Deschanel's character, Allison, created for herself. Every morning at 6a, Allion heads a running photography group for “photographers who want to get more exercise”. Then, most nights, she performs as the lead singer of Munchausen by Proxy, whose shows always begin with Allison greeting everyone in the audience by name – since the only people that come see the band are people the band knows personally. She then sings (awesome) songs with lyrics like “Don't call me past 11pm, it won't happen again. Happened once, it happened twice, it happened three times, maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe, maybe it happened six times, but it won't happen seven times” & dons at least a half-dozen (but not seven) sparkly, colorful, funnily crazy costumes (do you see the photo above? They're chickens, people!).

At one point, Jim Carrey's character asks Allison why she sings with the band, & why she takes her photographs. Isn't she looking for fame? Doesn't she want her band to break through? And I remember her looking at him partly like he was nuts, and partly like he was a child. She explained that she sings with her band because she loves singing, loves performing, loves changing her costume a half dozen times & putting on a show for her friends. And even though most of her running club photographs are out of focus, she regales herself as an expert on blurry photography.

So do ya think that you can cook your passions into one big pot & make a career? Do all of your hobbies need to be money-makers, or is there something that you can do just for the love of it? If you’re missing something in your life, like more exercise, is there a way to do it so that it doesn’t feel like a chore? Think outside the box & see where your imagination takes you - the more ridiculous the better. Take your inspiration from Allison & her songs about late-night booty calls. Or pick up Career Renegades by Jonathan Fields & read about people like Ann Rea, an office drone who was determined to leave her depressing job to be a painter but didn't want to give up her lifestyle. Living in the Napa Valley, she looked around, opened her eyes, & realized she could partner up with wineries to paint their vineyards, & then sell her works in their gift shop. Not only did she get a guaranteed sale for each painting she painted, but it lead to private commissions, large-scale commission work, displays, notecards, & wine bottle labels!

Obviously, this movie is in Ideal World and we never know how Allison actually, um, puts a roof over her head & adorable vintage clothes on her person. But just think about adding a pinch of hobby A and a dash of goal B and a swirl of passion C, and making that into your life. Think of what you love to do, and a need that's out there, & make your own sandwich. Allison took everyone's goal of “getting more exercise” & paired it with her passion of photography, & created a running photography class. She has her nights free for singing & performing, just for the love of it. She might be a freakin’ garbage woman during the day, but you’d never know it from the way she lives her life - by her passions.

Did this article make you think you had deja vu? If so, it's because you are super-duper cool & subscribe to my newsletter. If not, isn't the peer pressure killing you? I mean, you must reeeeally feel left out by now, reading all these articles a month after they're written. So combat the feeling of being picked last for the team & sign up here.

Related posts:

1. Values are not schmalues
2. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?
3. Elimination Dance: Part 2

If you think that you can't make a career doing what you wanted to do as a child, think again. Sean Kenney is a LEGO Artist. You heard me. A LEGO obsessed child, he hotheadly quit his job as a website interface designer for Lehman Brothers, and decided to start a website to display LEGO models. LEGO then contacted him to work on commissioned sculptures, and that lead to assisting with the development of the Certified Professional LEGO Program. Now he does custom LEGO Portraits (even wedding cake toppers!), sells his original sculptures, and builds commissioned pieces for a hefty fee.

Read more in this Time Out New York article. They're running a great series called Inside Job, which I've been loving for obvious reasons. Some of my other faves include Private Investigator, Costume Designer & Package Designer. You can peruse ‘em all on the 1st page of this link (& yes, the last one leads to the Sex column, since I guess the word “inside” is just askin' for it).

So kids, I'm thinkin' of doin' this Grown-Up Gig thing as a regular series. Wanna see it? Think it's dumb? Don't care either way? Lemme know your thoughts so I can give it the green light or kick it to the curb.

Related posts:

1. Freakin' (Great Links) Friday: Installment 13
2. Newsletter #2 is out tomorrow morning!
3. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?

37.365 - Tick, Tock Goes the Clock found on nikilynn's FlickrStream

This article originally appeared in the 5th edition of the When I Grow Up newsletter. If ya didn't get your copy hand-delivered in your Inbox, along with a donut & some coffee, then click here to subscribe. Please note you'll need to provide your own donut & coffee.

As a Twitter addict (yes, my hubby refers to Twitter as “my boyfriend”), I have a saved search that lets me know anytime anyone mentions “career coach” on Twitter. While I set it up to find prospective clients, it's lead me more often to fellow career coaches peddling their wares. Recently, I saw a tweet from a coach that made me give my computer a dirty look. The tweet said:

“Need a new job? Consider a career coach!”

Now, there's nothing technically wrong with that tweet. Nothing offensive to any race, gender, or religion - but it was offensive to me. I was mad at that career coach for representing herself as a job-finder. I don't want to help people find jobs. Jobs suck. Jobs are the places you go to die a slow death, to kill time, to live for the weekend and curse the 5 (5!) days in between. Jobs are chores for grown-ups.

I don't want to get my clients jobs. I want to get them lives. Passionate, fulfilling, exciting, kick-ass lives that could be loved from the time they wake up in the morning until the time they go to bed at night. I don't want them to be bored, or to struggle, or to feel time slipping away. But I don't want to wave fairy dust & get them out of their chains, either. I want them to work for it. I want to work with them. I want to be there while they climb out of the hole & start scaling the mountain, so they can enjoy the view from the top that much more. I want them to open their eyes in the morning & think, “This day is going to be awesome, because the life that I created for myself is awesome.” People with jobs wake up in the morning & think, “This day is gonna suck, because my job sucks.” Ever think of how you can fast forward the next 10 hours until you can come home again to your life? I have.

So yes, I'm a life coach. And yes, I'm a career coach. I think they're one and the same. Your career should be part of your life, not part of your death. And that's why I'm drawn to creatives - people that are open to living an extraordinary life, to coloring outside the lines, to knit me hats for thanks. If you're an accountant who wants to keep crunching numbers in a new place, and you need some resume clean-up and a plan to get hired elsewhere, then hire a “career coach”. But if you're an accountant who dreams of building websites or singing with a band or knitting hats, then I can help. If you're an engineer who wants to find something passionate to do to pay the bills while you're going to school for holistic healing & life coaching, then I can help. If you're an “actor” (but haven't been on an audition in months) who's stuck waiting tables and you know you're meant for something more, then I can help. If you're a freelance writer who wants to become more focused & organized while figuring out his balance between passion & revenue, then I can help. I've worked with all of these people: with the engineer cum life coach/holistic healer deciding to become a teacher until she feels comfortable striking out on her own, with the actor finding her passion in real estate & becoming a training agent in her company in a year's time (she was even featured in a cover story in New York magazine), & with the freelance writer getting started on his second book while landing a full-time writing gig with a major local news site. If you're a Tiko, or a Jacki, or a Mark, I can help you. That's my passionate, fulfilling, exciting, kick-ass life.

What's yours?

Related posts:

1. 5 Reasons I Got Off My Ass & Discovered a New Passion
2. I'm OK, You're OK, We're OK. Sharing is caring. And other such hooplah.
3. My Twexperience on Twitter

Top images from Bangles & Clay, Nest's blog; Bottom right image of Semi-Daisy Silver Pendant from Tara's handcraft line, Citara's; Bottom left image from Behind the Bazaar. I want to go to there.

Readers, meet Tara Lutman Agacayak. A fellow student in Holly Becker's BYW class, I was paired up for a blog post swap with Tara & boy, did I hit the freakin' jackpot.

Tara Lutman Agacayak is a Creative Entrepreneurial Endeavor Developer (try saying that 10 times fast!). OK, so I made up that title - but since she signs her emails with “supporting the development of creative entrepreneurial endeavors”, I figured it was a pretty accurate, uh, made-up title.

Until I met Tara, I had no idea that something like this even existed, & so I decided that her interview would be perfect for my new series, Grown-Up Gigs! Here we go, kids!:

When I was young I wanted to be a ballerina.  In middle school I was trying to decide between a psychologist and interior designer.  By the time I was in high school I decided I wanted to be a psychologist (MFCC) so that I could “help” people.

I did graduate with a BS in psychology, but realized I needed some time before pursuing my MS.  So I went to work as a data analyst with the Dept. of Defense (a stretch from psychology, but I was applying my experience with data collection, statistics and analysis).  They said they would train me to use computers and let me get my MS for free.  After 8 years in that agency, I developed really good analytical skills and realized that I was good at organizing information.  I also then met my husband in graduate school where I earned an MS in IT, moved to Turkey and was without a job or career!  Combined with culture shock = IDENTITY CRISIS!

But I think in some culture crisis means opportunity, so it was an opportunity for me to figure out what I really wanted to do.  We had some friends who were both ceramic artists in Turkey and I realized after spending an evening with them that I REALLY enjoyed being with creative people.  This really shouldn’t have been a surprise to me because my mother is also a wonderful painter and I had also wanted to be a ballerina and a designer.  At that time also, Ebay was starting to get very mainstream, so I decided to sell products from the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul on Ebay (this was applying my “techie” skills and my love of the creative).  And it was going GREAT,  but something was missing.

I went to a women’s leadership training program and they emphasized social responsibility and social entrepreneurship and that’s when things began coming together.  My IT and analytical skills helped me organize the business, my passion for creativity and the arts determined the subject around which I’d build my business, and my leadership training gave me the eyes to focus on helping Turkish artists and designers.

Since then I’ve built a retail handcraft business and from that have learned some things which I share through a consulting business that I started with a partner.  We’ve also just started a little project called Behind the Bazaar to take visitors to Istanbul to meet authentic artists and designers in the city.  Lastly, we support a women’s microcredit program called Nest which has several loan recipients in Turkey that we work with.

So the “how” was a path and a series of “aha” moments,  but I can say that I was really focused on building a living out of my passions and my interests.  So I was open to those aha moments and kept believing that it was possible to make a career out of doing what I love.

I think I was most afraid that it was silly and unrealistic and also that I didn’t study business in school, so how could I build a business?  I thought that I didn’t have those kinds of skills so I couldn’t be successful.  But something interesting happens when you stay committed to your goal – you find a way to overcome those things.  So I started meeting people and mentors who helped me fill in those gaps.  And I also made LOTS of mistakes (still do), but they’ve turned into learning experiences and they are what help me in my consulting business now.

Another big hurdle for me was feeling like I didn’t deserve to have this life I loved.  This came up for me in the leadership training, and one of the coaches there worked with me to see how everyone deserves to live the life they imagine for themselves.  In fact, I think this is our destiny – to live what is calling to us in our hearts.  I think it’s our obligation to honor the gifts we’ve been given and to live them out.

Don’t waste time moping around or feeling sorry for yourself – you have everything you need.  Just get started and keep moving forward.  Even if it’s two steps forward and one step back, you’re still going on the right direction.  Stay focused and keep marching.

Celebrating the successes of those we work with.  Most especially, one of my fundamental beliefs is that everyone has a right to self-determination and basic freedoms.  And economic freedom and self-expression are both very empowering things.  To help people (in our case, mostly women) take their talents, skills, and passions and turn them into ways to start earning money is very empowering for all of us.  This is incredibly fulfilling for me.  And from this standpoint as I look at where I am now, I see that I’m using a bit of all of it – the helping people part, the creative part, the analytical part … they’ve all come together.

Related posts:

1. Grown-Up Gig: LEGO Artist
2. The Story of My Life, or Why I Stopped Pounding (my head against the) Pavement
3. 5 Things that Make You Another Girl at Play

Take this job & LOVE it by BluLima

As ironic as it sounds, the day before I published my newsletter with the article Jobs Suck (about how I hate career coaches who exist to “find you your next job” (”job” should be a 4-letter word!) or “fix your resume” (eye roll)) , I found myself spending two hours cleaning up on of my favorite client's - you guessed it - resume. Suzy (not her real name – confidentiality, people!) spent 11 sessions working with me to figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up. It was drilled into her from a young age that everyone has just one path, & while she had a million hobbies & passions she was never able to commit to That One Thing she was “supposed” to be doing with her life. In working with me, Suzy realized that she can make a career being a Jackie of All Trades, & wanted to promote herself as a Girl Friday (adorable, right?!). She was so excited to get started, but she was stuck on just one lil’ thing (say it with me): her resume! When it arrived in my Inbox, I was floored by the sheer boring/averageness of it. Where was the vivacious, funny, spunky, hard-working, intelligent, sweet, do-anything woman that I’ve been working with for 3 months?! Here she was telling me how she got promoted to manager of a bakery partly because she learned the name & orders of every regular (along with their jobs, the names of their family members & pets, & their allergies!), while her resume said, “Maintained customer relationships” & “Prepared daily menus.” WHAT?! I gave her The Business (but in a mostly nice, life coachy way) and forged ahead to work with her on having her resume reflect her awesome self by having her ask these questions:

• Does my resume showcase my skills & accomplishments?
• Does my resume highlight what I'm especially gifted or experienced at doing?
• Do I have enough measurable information on my resume (ie “Increased bakery sales by 20% as Retail Manager” or “Managed a team of 25 full & part-time employees”)?
• Does my resume make me stand out from the crowd?
• Does my resume “sell” me?
  
• Does my resume have enough key words to enable it to get picked up by a search engine? If not, how many of these power words can I throw in there?

If you're having a super tough time finding the answers to these questions, then ask just one all-consuming question: “If I was hiring for this position, would I pick up the phone and call me? Why or why not?” Think of your tasks & accomplishments in a measurable way, along with the skills you used to make it happen. If it's totally unrelated to the career you're applying for, just tweak it to make sure it highlights your abilities. For example, when I decided to apply for a job as an executive assistant, I didn't remove the 2 years I spent as a successful real estate agent, as I knew it was impressive for future employers to see that I “Received the Top Agent Award in an office of 30 for a total of 6 months, which led to collecting the highest commission split in the company's history”. That brief bulletpoint showed that I'm a driven, self-motivating, hard-working people-person, which are great attributes for almost any position!

If it's the design of the resume you're stuck on, you can pick up (free!) templates on Google Docs & Microsoft Office with a kajillion options to choose from. If it's the wording you're worried about, these Resume Samples give you a ton of examples to pull from. If you're stressed about what you “have to” include on your resume (chronological order? objectives? skills?), just think of what will best sell you to your potentail employer or clients, & include that. The rest can be tossed. Really.

As someone who secured 5 different jobs (3 sales, 1 customer service, 1 exec asst) in less than 3 years, I know how to put my best foot forward, & am passionate about making sure my kick-ass clients show their prospective employers their best foot, too. So…is there a footprint on your resume, my kick-ass reader?

This article originally appeared in the 7th edition of my newsletter. You can read all of my past newsletters here. The next one'll be out this coming Monday, so if you wanna get it - along with some delicious discounts, freakin' freebies, promotable promotions & love - in your Inbox, subscribe here!

Related posts:

1. Jobs Suck
2. Elimination Dance: Part 1
3. The Story of My Life, or Why I Stopped Pounding (my head against the) Pavement

Molly Barker, founder of AWESOME AWESOME Girls On the Run asked in her blog the other day for people to respond with what hidden secrets, fears or behaviors you had as a child still rear their ugly heads as an adult.  This happened to come across my news feed on the very same Tough (Question) Tuesday that a certain life coach was on vacation, and I thought, wow, I am getting my Tough Question anyway!  No escape!  Interestingly, this topic is one that has been swimming around in my head a LOT lately as I journey through a plethora of emotions related to my career, my life purpose, the things I love and the things I am ready to let go of, so without even a moment of pondering, I responded with the following:

Something that has been slapping me in the face recently is my sometimes inability to truly take ownership of who or what I AM.  As a young girl who was very headstrong about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I was met with a lot of people who, in retrospect, “didn't buy it”.  I remember being very confused by the very mixed messages I got:  You can be whatever you want, but don't say that you ARE an artist/actress/singer/dancer/writer/fill-in-the-blank, say that you aspire to be one.  The thing was, my young self wasn't concerned with success or money or glory as much as creating and performing and how wonderful it made me feel…yet I became exceedingly self-concious and self-doubtful about whether I really “deserved” and praise or recognition or even roles in shows because, after all, I was only aspiring.  Certainly there were people who were more experienced/talented/special.

When I eventually did grow up and pursue a career in the arts, my interpretation of this missive was that I wouldn't actually BE an actress until I reached a certain level of financial success through acting, or at least a certain milestone like a Broadway show or a feature film.  I heard, and continue to hear, “Fake it til you Make It” as a mantra, and I just wonder, at what point do you “make it”?  The most wonderful moment for me as an actor came in a show that was in a 70 seat studio, ran for 2 weeks, paid $200 and I was Ensemble Member #4.  And yet is was magic, and made me feel fulfilled as an artist in ways I never conceived of.  I can't imagine any Broadway opening FEELING like that.  But does it mean I “made it” because I had that experience?  It's hard for me to believe that.  I continue to aspire.

Now almost a decade and a half has passed since I moved to New York and pursued this dream and I have decided I'm tired of Faking it until I Make it.  Maybe the damage is done for me as an actress, I will continue to pursue as it passes my fancy, but I've decided to start fresh with a new career and NOT fake it.  I am a coach.  I am a motivator.  No one can argue that with me because I know it to be true.  I will continue to be educated and to expand my knowledge, but who I am is enough to BE, not to ASPIRE.

I think this can also apply to the folks I am trying to reach through Hit&Runners.  So very many people think that sports or fitness is ALL or NOTHING and that they can't call themselves a RUNNER or a MARTIAL ARTIST or an ATHLETE.  But there are an awful lot of stages between ALL or NOTHING.  As far as I am concerned, anyone who goes outside with the purpose of going a little farther or a little faster than the last time is an athlete.  If you are picking it up into a jog, you are a runner.  You may be a beginner!  But you ARE.  Taking ownership of what you are doing is an unbe-HA-LIEVABLE motivator!

Listen, like I wrote to Molly, my whole life by my parents, my family, my teachers, my friends and my martial arts instructors I have been taught modesty.  There's nothing wrong with being humble.  But if modesty and humility get in the way of our own self-worth, we've gone too far.  So take whatever it is you know you are in your heart and introduce it to your head. Shun the non-believers. (First person to go on my blog and tell me where that last line is from gets a free fitness email consultation and evaluation with me).

You can find Coach Andi currently at Hit&Runners, as well as via email at andiwhaley(at)yahoo(dot)com & on the phone at 1.646.234.5908. Did you see the free evaluation offer above? Contact her, people! You can thank me later.

Related posts:

1. I'm OK, You're OK, We're OK. Sharing is caring. And other such hooplah.
2. Jobs Suck
3. 5 Things that Make You Another Girl at Play

money by newbeautiful

This article originally appeared in my 9th newsletter, “mailed” on 9/3. If you didn't get it, you're missing out on total awesomeness. Sign up here & let the awesomeness in.

As a struggling actress, I knew that in order to feed/clothe myself & keep a roof over my head, I had to take as many day jobs as I had limbs. These day jobs equaled money, and comfort, and a Girls Night Out or two. Even though I was auditioning every spare second I had, and taking almost every acting job that was offered to me, those gigs never (I repeat: NEVER) paid the rent. When I think back on the 5 years post-collage that I focusing on acting, there are only two jobs that I can recollect that actually paid my bills. One was 8 months on a cruise ship, where the $500 or so I was getting paid a week seemed like $1,000,000, while the other was 3 months in Key West (although I did work as a waitress for a whole day – I left because I had to deliver food to the nudist bar in town & they didn't even tip!). I didn't have to supplement those jobs with any other jobs. I could live on them & them alone.

For the other gigs – the ones that didn't pay the rent -I got paid in reviews. Or MetroCards. Or checks that came out to $100/wk (if I was lucky). Or in kind words. Or in the hope of a new connection. Or in fun & friends. I also got paid in blood, sweat, tears & embarrassment more than once (or twice or ten times). Probably the most financially rewarding gigs were the ones I did as an AFTRA extra, but those were unreliable. So, what did I rely on while I was pounding the pavement? Cashiering at Barnes & Noble, dressing up in big-headed costumes for events (I even appeared on Good Morning America as a life-size 1-800-FLOWERS gift box), being a hostess, an office manager, a casting assistant, a data entry person, a movie premiere usher/willcaller/greeter, another hostess, a waitress, a temp secretary, a temporary tattoo artist, an apartment show-er, a Carmen Miranda appearance person, a real estate agent…I think that's it. If there are others, I must have blocked them out.

When I decided to stop pursuing acting, I took stable jobs I thought I would be good at & would like (I've had 4 thus far), but I would always be proved wrong. The position might be right, but the management might be wrong. In another role, it would be the reverse.

Which brings me to today. Or last week, rather, talking to my coach about the challenge I'm having trusting that I can make a living (a comfortable, unstressful, heck, I'll say it – a lucrative living!) as a life coach. I can't trust that it's going to come together, even though I can practically see my progress up to this point as well as the opportunities that are in front of me. I hear the same things echoed in the voices of some of my clients, most of them sitting in “comfortable” careers that they can't imagine they can break away from without starving to death as the artist or spiritual coach or transportation engineer they want to become.

After more questioning & clarifying, my coach said, “So, it sounds to me that you've never really been compensated for doing what you love. Do you see money as a payment for torture?” And while I knew it was a dramatic statement, I quickly, wholeheartedly, honestly, painfully answered, “YES!”

I've been out of college for 10 years now. In all that time, I got comfortably compensated (no side jobs, no worry about paying bills, etc) for doing what I loved doing for a total of 11 months. That's 10.9% of the entire time I've been on my own. It's my truth now: I only get compensated for – if not torture (& some of it was), then, at a minimum, discontent and indifference. That's been 89.1% of my experience in a grown-up world.

As a coach, I love the safety net, & never encourage my clients to take a big leap if they're not ready for the jump. Instead, we figure out ways to take tiny bitty baby steps until, days or weeks or months or years later, they're standing on their two feet. I'm focusing now on taking itty bitty steps to build up my truth that, YES, not only can I make money doing something I love, but I will make money doing something that I love. Good money. Mortgage-paying money. It's scary to start chipping away at this wall, but by not bulldozing it down all at once I can start building my trust back up.  As uncomfortable as it is, I'm allowing myself to sit with this new truth when it arises, and not counter it with the vampire voice telling me not to become emotionally invested in this outcome. I'm hearing myself say, “I will be a financially successful coach” – both in my mind & out loud – and letting myself feel the emotions that come up with that. If I start the negative tape – both in my head & out loud – I notice it now, & I stop. The times that my mouth works faster than my brain, & I can't stop myself, I now at least realize what I'm saying so I can stop myself the next time. I'm also allowing myself to visualize how my days will be when I'm a full-time coach, who I will meet & spend time with, how I'll feel. I'm not kidding myself that it won't be tough work, but I can actually see what I have to work towards & what the amazing payment – both financially & emotionally – will be like.

Are you saying, “Money is payment for torture” or “Money is payment for what I have to offer the world”?

Just think about that: Money is payment for what I have to offer the world.

What do you have to offer?

Related posts:

1. I'm OK, You're OK, We're OK. Sharing is caring. And other such hooplah.
2. Jobs Suck
3. 5 Reasons I Got Off My Ass & Discovered a New Passion

I want to start off my Guest Blogger Time with a post from my client, Charlotte Dauphin. A lawyer by trade & an artist by passion, Charlotte decided to quit her lawyering in September & focus on a career that would make her happy. While she's still finding her way, she writes a beautiful blog, has an incredible portfolio, & just opened her very own Etsy shop! Charlotte published this post on Fri Oct 2nd, & I asked her immediately if I could share it with all of you.

the brave pig is still undecided on loungerie's flickrstream

As you may (or may not!) already know, I quit my job. My last day of employment is officially October 9, 2009–that's one week! People keep asking me why I would quit a “perfectly good job” in an economic environment like this one, where people everywhere are clinging hopelessly to ANY job they can get.

And my answer is simply that I am not fulfilled in this job. Yes, I make money. Yes, I have health insurance. Yes, I have my very own office. But when it comes right down to it, I can get those things in many places and many different positions–what I am looking for right now is a JOB or a CAREER that leaves me excited to get up in the morning, where I feel like my energy is making a positive contribution to society and the world.

There is a Buddhist philosophy that thinks that every person born into this world is equally capable of good or evil, and which part is expressed depends on the society and circumstances into which the child is born. If a child is born into a group of people who are unhappy and not contributing positively, then he is less likely to manifest the good and happy in his potential, and so forth. By that theory, every unhappy person in this world makes the world a worse place. So I am trying to change my circumstances so that I may be a more fulfilled and productive individual.

I keep waffling between thinking, “I am so happy that I have taken this negative out of my life and made room to fill it with positives. I rock!” and thinking “Wow, you are so stupid! What are you thinking?”

But what people keep telling me is that I am BRAVE. So I started thinking about the word “brave.” Is that what brave means? Happy, fierce, and stupid? So I looked it up. Here is what dictionary.com had to say:

Brave. Syn.: bold, intrepid, daring, dauntless, heroic.
“Brave,” “courageous,” “valiant,” “fearless,” and “gallant” refer to confident bearing in the face of difficulties or dangers.
“Brave” is the most comprehensive: it is especially used of that confident fortitude or daring that actively faces and endures anything threatening.”

I think I like that! “Confident fortitude or daring that actively faces and endures anything threatening.” I am going to keep that in mind as I face the next few weeks.

Related posts:

1. I'm OK, You're OK, We're OK. Sharing is caring. And other such hooplah.
2. Elimination Dance: Part 2
3. Yes (Wo)Man

I met Aidan Donnelley Rowley at her (amazing, beautiful, drool-enducing) home in the Upper West Side as the host of the NYC Fire Starter Session run by Danielle LaPorte. Aidan is one of those people whose warmth, authenticity & niceness overshadows the insecurities that one (i.e. me) can feel  when meeting a beautiful, successful, put-together, seems-to-have-it-all woman (i.e. Aidan). I'm now hooked on her blog, Ivy League Insecurities, & can not wait for the release of her book, Life After Yes, next year. Aiden posted this on October 6th, and I was thrilled when she agreed that I could share it with all of you. I think this will resonate with anyone that has left – or is thinking of leaving – a “sure thing” to “chase a persistent dream” (Charlotte, are you reading this? And yes, I posted this back to back with yours on purpose. Aidan used to be a lawyer!), as it describes what goes through your mind when you're thisclose to reaching your goal.

Listen to your dreams2 by wordboner

As I type these words, my fingers are tingling and my palms are sweating. I’ve had these symptoms before. A lot recently.

Why the sweaty tingles? Good question. And you, my friends, deserve an answer. So do I. Truth be told, I’ve had this tingly/sweaty thing on and off for a while now. And it’s finally occurring to me that it’s not the copious amounts of Pike Place Roast that I pump through my veins at all hours of the day. No.

Maybe it’s the compelling chaos that is my current life. The juggling act at which I am continually failing. Balls are falling all over the place. Maybe it is the looming deadlines for BLACKBERRY GIRL (Note from Michelle: That's what Life After Yes used to be called)? I am supposed to be writing reading group questions and an author essay. My publisher needs these things from me. Now. And I cannot bring myself to do these things. Maybe this is why the fingers are tingling and sweating. Could be.

I think I might be on to something here. But it’s not a simple matter of having things to do and not doing them. It’s the resistance. There is a reason I am not doing these things, writing these questions and this essay. I am not doing these things because these are the last things I have to do to complete my book. And maybe if I don’t do these things, there will not be a book.

Bear with me. I’m not crazy. Just suffering a moment of debilitating, crippling honesty.

I have decided that if I am going to stand up a blog about being honest in this world of ours that seemingly spins on an axis of BS, I should be honest. With you. More importantly, with me.

I am thrilled.

I am petrified.

I am both of these things at the very same time. As I type these words, I am literally living my dream. On the day I left the law firm, I penned that required departure memo to my colleagues announcing that I would be leaving. In that memo, I wrote these very words, “I am leaving to chase a persistent dream.” I wrote those words. And I meant them.

Those words, simple and true to me, ostensibly cryptic to most everyone else, said it all. I was walking away from prestige and a paycheck to chase a dream. My dream to write. And, here I am, writing. At 10:55pm when I should be snoozing. But should doesn’t have much currency when it comes up against must. So here I am. Writing. Writing words which matter. To me. And maybe, in some small way, to you.

And there is a book. The book. The story. The story of which I am maternally proud and protective. I took my time with this story. I butchered it and put it back together again. Off and on, between the pressing business of bellies and boobs and babies, for four years, I wrestled with my characters. I followed their lead. I had dreams about these characters. I still do.

And now. This story will no longer be just mine. It will no longer be that thing about which I am admittedly sheepish and a bit shy. In a matter of months, it will be yours too. It will be out there. Stacked on shelves. Flipped through. It will be read. It will be loved and liked and hated. It will no longer be just mine.

But this is what I wanted, right? Yes! I think so. Maybe. Of course. I don’t know. Of course. Of course this is what I want. I want to write books and I want people to read them. I want to teach and inspire and entertain. Of course. I wrote a book. I found an agent. I found a publisher. I have a deal. There will be a book. These are all of the reasons why I should shut up. Now. Before you boycott my unabashedly egotistical blog. This post shouldn’t exist.

But it does. You’re reading it now. And I’ll probably regret it later.

I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to be proud. I am supposed to be cautiously optimistic. I am supposed to cross my fingers. I am supposed to do these things. And I will. Some of the time. But I can’t all of the time. Because that would be fake.

I am petrified. That the book will be a disastrous failure. That the book will be a huge success. I am petrified of it all.

But I am also thrilled. That here I am being me. Not an impostor lawyer. Not a meticulous mother. Not a blue ribbon wife. Me. Doing something that I love. Doing something that I must do. Doing something that I care about so much and so deeply, it makes my fingers tingle and my palms sweat. I am thrilled to be chasing.

But I am also petrified.

Related posts:

1. P.S.
2. Elimination Dance: Part 2
3. Wanted: Guest Posts!

Related posts:

1. Elimination Dance: Part 2
2. The Artist's Survival Kit
3. Wanted: Guest Posts!

A Change Might Be Just Around The Corner by wordboner

Jeremie Miller is a fellow International Coach Academy student who I met via the message boards. I forget the thread that sparked our introduction, but I should tip my hat to it because Jeremie's awesome. He writes a kick-ass blog called Sunday Night Success & is, in my opinion, a Goal Guru – he knows how to set ‘em & accomplish ‘em & get the support/structure you need all the while. Currently, Jeremie is a life coach for Dads, but he's been on a long journey to get there. Read below about his path, & how he consistently ditched safety for the pursuit of happiness.

Career changes have never really frightened me.

That is not to say that, when I decide to make a change, I am not plagued by the small voices telling me I am crazy, that it will all fall apart, and that I am making a huge mistake.

I hear all of those voices.

They have just never stopped me from making the change. I listen to them, sometimes quake in my boots at what they say, but I always continue making the change, and take them along for the ride.

Grocery list of careers

My first real “career” was in a research lab working on genetics projects. The work was interesting, but I was also isolated from human interaction for the majority of each day. I realized that human interaction is vital to my happiness in my work and I needed to find something else.

Time for a change.

The something else turned out to be working as a barista in a coffee shop to fund my volunteer work on a crisis and suicide prevention phone line. The work on the phone lines was super fulfilling, but it didn’t pay the bills, and the coffee shop started driving me crazy.

Time for a change.

I ended up working for the John Howard Society in an eighteen-bed halfway house helping federal inmates on parole reintegrate into society. Again, an amazing job where I got to make a difference. Unfortunately, a client’s suicide attempt and my reaction to it resulted in my need for a break.

Time for a change.

A complete change this time as I ended up working as a staff writer for Electric Playground, a video game review TV show. Playing video games, writing reviews and editorials, and creating multimedia content was a blast. I mean why would anyone give up on that job?

I met an amazing girl. She lived in another city, over 10 hours away.

I was in love.

Time for a change.

This time I spent two years getting my education degree. My wife (yep I ended up marrying that girl. Totally worth the move) and I worked as teachers for five years in the city we were living in. Problem was: we didn’t like living there.

Time for a change.

We sold everything, packed everything up, bought a house, moved to our dream town in the middle of the mountains, and had a baby.

Did I mention we made the move without jobs?

I have taught on call for over two years now and my wife has been taking care of our son. It hasn’t always been easy, but we are living our dream instead of dreaming our life. The teaching work is sporadic and it hasn’t been paying the bills.

Time for a change.

The final change?

I know myself well enough now to realize that my career must include engaging and helping other people. Whether on a phone line, in a halfway house, or in a classroom I am happiest when I am helping others achieve something. I am also tiring of working for someone else, and have a growing desire to try a new adventure all on my own. This time the change came with a great deal of self-reflection and a lot of thought about how to be my own boss.

In a couple of more months I will finish my training with the International Coach Academy and become a certified professional coach. I am currently starting up my own coaching business, have seven clients, and am once again having a blast.

Will this one stick? Will it soon be time for a change?

Who knows? Who cares?

Which is more important to you: the safety of your current career, or being happy?

If you goal is happiness, isn’t sticking with the career you dislike far scarier than trying something new?

On my soapbox

I think I am so willing to take the risk and change my career for two reasons:

1. I want to be happy.

2. I know there is always a way to make the change work.

So many people would rather be miserable, but “safe” because they are worried that, if they take the risk, it won’t work.

My perspective is that it WILL work. I think we are all far better at adapting to new situations than we think. If you are willing to take the risks you will be able to find a way to make it work. There may be rough patches, and it may not turn out exactly how you planned, but then you just adapt again, and keep adapting until you find a way to make it work, and a way to make it work that makes you happy.

There may be risk in changing your career, but that risk is far better than the certainty of staying in a job that sucks out all of your energy and leaves you lying around on your couch every night like a zombie watching pointless television.

Risk or certainty?

Happy or zombie?

I have no desire to snack on brains.

Related posts:

1. Change Is Like Laundry…
2. “When It's Time To Change, You've Got to Rearrange….
3. Change is good. Just ask America.

Black Sheep by dreamel. Love how the black sheep is dancing with a hat & cane! If he had fingers, he'd so have jazz hands right now.

Lindsay Christensen is a rockin' interior designer who I “met” through Blogging Your Way, the awesome blogging e-course that Holly Becker of decor8 led earlier this year. It turned out that I was the lone life coach in a sea of designers & crafters, & I loved every minute of it. Lindsay & I have been reading each other's blogs & tweeting ever since, & I was thrilled when she offered to contribute as a guest blogger! Like some of my other guest bloggers these past two weeks, Lindsay wrote about the  “scenic, sometimes rocky road” that was her journey to finding her passionate, creative career. Isn't it amazing how we have so many similar stories, yet they're all so different? Get the tissues ready!

Coming from a small town, I always just assumed I would do something ‘practical' or science related. I wasn't interested in business or English, but I was a good science student. So I had a foolproof plan; go to college, major in something science related (psychology, exercise science, marine biology?) and get a steady and secure job after you graduate in 4 years. Right? I thought I'd figure it out along the way. I didn't know what I wanted to do right out of high school, so when I enrolled at UC Santa Barbara, I was “undeclared in Biological Sciences.” Chemistry, organic chemistry, calculus, psychology, social psychology, French, art history…all the fun (and not so fun) lower division requirements, blah blah blah. I did really love my art history class, but I didn't even consider it as a major at the time. Come on, you can't major in art! You can't be successful that way! Right? After two years I was burnt out and still confused as ever, so I decided to take a break. A break that turned into a five year break. But I wasn't doing diddly-squat during my break – I was out there in the world, living back in my home town, taking a class or two here or there, working, researching, trying to find my niche, and I also started dating my future husband and we got married…and that leads me here…

In August 2006 I had a great job. Well, it was great for someone without a Bachelor's Degree, which I did not have at the time (but was still a goal of mine that I was not going to give up). Great for someone my age (25) who had no children, which I did not have at the time. Great pay for where I lived, meaning that my husband and I could live comfortably with my half of our salary, we had better-than-decent benefits, and it was going to go nowhere but up. I had a great boss and great co-workers. My employer even helped pay for my classes. See, I worked at the local county Public Health Department back then. But that was the month that I quit to go to Interior Design school. I started working there three years earlier in 2003 as the “Office Specialist” (aka receptionist), and after working there for two years, I was promoted to a better job within the department. I could have stayed but it was always a personal goal of mine to finish school with at least a Bachelor's Degree, so I knew I wasn't going to be there forever. It wasn't enough for me, and so I wasn't happy there. That is something that I figured out while out in the real world; that is not my personality and I won't stay where I'm not happy.

With some encouragement from my boss, and after seeing what a great place it was to work, we decided that I would go to nursing school to be a Public Health Nurse. Notice that I said ‘we' – my husband and boss were fully on board here. A nurse is a very respectable, practical, rewarding and high-paying job, right? I still didn't know exactly what I wanted to be, but I had most of the pre-requisites already done (between UCSB and the other 20 colleges I attended in person and online, as my previous goals in school were to be a dental hygienist, diagnostic medical sonographer, ultrasound tech…all of which just never worked out. Do you see a pattern here?) so I finished the last few classes I needed and applied to the nursing school that I wanted to go to. I always just thought it would work itself out.

I was married at this time (still am, I make it sound like I'm not anymore!), and my husband didn't want to quit his job and move so I needed to stay close to home for school. He didn't really see why I needed to quit and go back to school in the first place, seeing as I had a perfectly good job, but he was 100% for me to go to nursing school. But that's a whole other story. We planned to live apart during the week, and then see each other on weekends while I was in school. Two years max. We'd also visit whenever possible and see each other on school breaks, etc. so we knew it wouldn't be so bad and it would fly by. We live right on the northern border of California, so the closest nursing school was in Oregon, which was fine because I was able to get a “good neighbor” discount on tuition. Anyway, I applied to the Bachelor's program for this one site and was wait-listed. I looked at that positively; I had good grades, I was sure I was close to the top of the list. I also looked into other schools in the meantime, but no spots came available for me after the deadline had passed (it's nursing school, hello!!). No biggie, I thought, I'll just keep working and try again next semester at a few places.

During this waiting time, I grew even more antsy to complete my goals. I didn't want to be where I was anymore, and I just wanted to get school over with, so I think that the anticipation of working towards a goal, taking classes, and keeping busy kept me interested at the time, but that was getting old. I was starting to realize that I needed something different. I was constantly researching and looking for other career paths that I might be able to take, because I was just not one of those people that can push through during the day and cash in a paycheck with a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I loved my coworkers, but the job itself was simply not fulfilling to me, and I realized that I just couldn't do that for the next 35 years. Some people can, but I realized very quickly that I wasn't one of them. I dreaded getting up every day, going to work, spending all day there, and then doing the same old thing the next day after day at a job I didn't love. Boring. There were other parts of the job that I didn't enjoy, but I won't go into that. I'll just say that I was ready to get out and move on. It was a great job, just not for me at the time. So I applied to more nursing schools, and I was waitlisted again. The deadline passed and I, again, did not get into nursing school (it is SO competitive – not only is there a shortage of nurses, but also nursing instructors so spots are hard to come by). A year of waiting had passed, and I was ready to try something else.

After waiting for what felt like eons, I realized that I really wasn't that disappointed about not getting into nursing school. I was actually very, very nervous about going; the thought of the practical part really worried me. I still think about scary situations that happened when I was a 15 year old lifeguard! How could I ever move on if I made a mistake, or if something horrible happened to a patient on my watch? I don't think I could ever get over that! And after working at various jobs in various settings over that five year break, I also realized that I wanted more freedom, more creativity, and more variety in my career. I wanted to be my own boss, take off when I wanted to and be in control of what my days consist of. Plus I wanted to enjoy what I did for a living. But how could I do this and survive, while living in a small town? Is it possible? That scared me almost as much as the thought of accidentally killing someone in nursing school! I was so torn…could I actually do this? And what would my husband and boss think? It was quite a change and I put so much time and energy into this goal.

I found myself secretly checking out online programs in other, creative fields that I really didn't know much about; graphic design, interior design, photography, wedding planning, real estate staging, even those ‘career certificate schools' that you see commercials for on TV. But I never seemed to find the right combination or program (have you seen how expensive online programs are?!?!). So I just went for it and applied to the Interior Design Program at California State University, Chico without telling anyone. Not even my husband. And it felt great. It felt right. And the more I looked into the coursework and what an Interior Designer does, it felt better. But how was I going to break the news to them? I don't remember exactly how it all happened, but everyone around me knew that something was up. To be honest, my marriage was strained at the time, and when something is going on in my personal life I had a hard time focusing on other things, like work. We fought a lot and we had issues that we needed to work out. I needed a change but he didn't understand, and this was going to be the last straw. I just remember one night, in tears after an argument, I said to my husband “I don't want to go to nursing school. I want to be a designer!” Wait – what?? It wasn't pretty – after all I was “changing my mind” AGAIN. I'm sure he didn't believe me, but I believed in myself so we just let it go. And then I broke the news to my boss. I told her that I applied to a program, I was accepted and I was starting in the fall. I think she understood that I needed a change, both personally and professionally. Everyone else found out I was leaving and assumed it was to go to nursing school. I didn't try to correct them because I thought they would all think I was crazy!

Eventually they all found out what I was up to and I was gone, and from the very Intro to Interior Design class, I knew this was for me! It's a lot of art and creativity, but also a lot of hard work, math, science, construction, engineering, communications, psychology, business, advertising, computer science, graphic design and life. I enjoyed everything that I learned, especially from my invaluable internship, and every single class has been worth it's weight in gold to me. The funny thing was, Interior Design was the ‘black sheep' of the art department, but it didn't fit in anywhere else, either. And I feel like that sums it up; that is me. I wasn't sure where I fit in, I had a million different interests, and others couldn't see my intentions, but now I know what I want to do and am in control of what I do for the rest of my life and of my happiness. It all just seems to work out like it's supposed to. I've also met some great people, made some really great friends, learned a lot from a lot of different, talented people and love this new community that I am a part of…in person and online with blogging (like my fellow BYW'ers like Michelle!)!

And just to let you know, my husband and I worked everything out – being apart actually really helped us get over our little hangups and we are ridiculously in love again, and more than ever. I FINALLY graduated at the age of 27, and while 5 months pregnant with our daughter. We didn't want to waste any time, you know? I also get to stay home with her while I write this and I couldn't ask for more. Blame any typos on her because she's on my lap and trying to help me write this! It's definitely a slower start working for yourself, and the pay isn't the same (yet!), but I'm confident that it will all be working out exactly like I want it to be someday, because it really is all up to me. And the fact that I love what I do is worth more than any amount of money ever could. I really believe that giving someone a beautiful space can change lives and bring you happiness just as much (but in a different way) as nursing them back to health can.

Thank you so much for reading, and again, thank you Michelle for giving me the chance to tell my story and maybe inspire a few others who are unsure of taking the leap to the creative side. Be honest with yourself and do it for you, no one else.

Related posts:

1. Time for a Change
2. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?
3. Grown-Up Gig: Creative Entrepreneurial Endeavor Developer

Self Portrait by flapperdoodle. Isn't she just the epitome of a creative entrepreneur?

You've already met Tara Lutman Agacayak back in my second installment of Grown-Up Gigs. She describes it below, so I'm not gonna, but seriously, click on the link & read it if you haven't already. As you can probably guess, I was thrilled to get Tara's submission as a guest blogger, & I think her 10 Ways are dead on. They absolutely confirmed for me that I'm a creative entrepreneur. What about you?

In one of her Grown-up Gig posts, Michelle introduced me as “Creative Entrepreneurial  Endeavor Developer”.  Though that’s a mouthful, I still haven’t decided on the appropriate title for myself.  But I do know that I enjoy seeing other people develop viable creative businesses.  For this post I thought I’d put together a list of things that I think describe what a creative entrepreneur is since the term can be a bit vague (but creatives are good with vague, aren’t we?).  So, without further ado …

You know you are a creative entrepreneur if:

1. You are challenged by working for others and you march to the beat of your own drummer.
2. You have a job working for someone else but you constantly imagine what you would do if you were self-employed.
3. You see the world as a place to experience life, not just make it through another day.
4. You have a unique perspective that you manifest and express using your own vocabulary – such as color, texture, shape, harmony, melody, composition, pitch, shade, tone, clarity, ambiguity, to the touch, palette, savory, sweet, light, dark … [add your own vocabulary here]
5. You encounter another creative person doing really authentic, honest work, and it makes you light up inside.
6. You graciously accept monetary compensation for your hard work and have a real sense of the value of your time and how that translates into what you’ve produced.
7. It is difficult for you to separate what you love from what you do.
8. You are never satisfied, and continuously yearn for ways to grow and develop yourself through your creative talent.
9. You are able to put both your right and left brain to work to produce something that is at once creative and also profitable.
10. It kills your spirit to work in any job other than what you feel drawn to creatively.

What do you think?  Do you agree?  What other things would you add to the list?  Feel free to share in the comments section.

Tara Lutman Agacayak is an American ex-pat living in Turkey.  She is one of two founding partners at Intarsia Concept where she works to develop creative businesses as well as at Citara’s and Behind the Bazaar.

Related posts:

1. Grown-Up Gig: Creative Entrepreneurial Endeavor Developer
2. Top 5 Ways You Inspire Me, Mom
3. 5 Things that Make You Another Girl at Play

no time for crappy thoughts by Betty Turbo

It's been a while since we heard from guest blogger & 2009 When I Grow Up Scholarship recipient Sarah Ivie, but that's because there's stuff going down in Chinatown! (Um, that means that she halted one business idea & launched another!) Sarah's journey started by comparing change to laundry, went to jumping with a safety net, & rested on decent-steak-dinner dreams & pretty-good-beer wishes. Sarah lands right here, with the question of “What would I do if I won the lottery?” She doesn't wait for the winning ticket to make the answer a reality.

About six years ago I stumbled across the perfect job for me. I was invited to work with two other women to start a community center in rural West Virginia. We were combining community resources, educational and arts programs. We were starting from scratch, even revamping a great building in the heart of a tiny downtown area. We built our own desks, painted the walls, and laid the floor for a dance studio. We rallied recruited volunteers and held fundraising events. We developed plans for clubs and workshops. While waiting for our big grant to come through we worked for about six months for free. I drove over an hour each way, got help from my parents in paying the rent, and worked an additional part time job to help with my living expenses. I was so busy, but so happy and excited about getting up every morning!

If you're a creative type like me you probably find it hard to just go to work and sit at a computer all day without daydreaming about what you'd do if you only had the money. One day, while playing the “what would you do if you won the lottery?” game, my husband and I talked about opening a restaurant. Then thought, hey, why wait? Let's go for it! Six months and a lot of baking later we had a name, a logo, a slew of recipes, and a launch date! This planning process was happening right as I was enjoying my fabulous scholarship from Michelle, and she really helped me keep myself on track during the planning proces.

A few weeks before our launch date some money-related issues popped up and managed to postpone our plans. It was pretty discouraging to get so close to that goal and have it swiped away at the last minute.  I'll admit it, I moped. Out loud. A lot. A friend and coworker, after hearing about the (temporarily) thwarted plans, proposed a new plan. Open a bakery together. Just a few weeks later we've got a website and orders for holiday cookies coming in. We have big plans and are baking our bottoms off! I have to admit, I get a bit nervous, throwing myself into another idea that seems like such a good fit. I want to protect myself from that disappointment if it doesn't work out. But man, I really want this to work out! So I'm throwing myself into this and crossing everything!

I can pimp out Sarah's baking not only because she's my client, but because she shipped me a plethera of assorted brownies that she baked & I almost died of gooey happiness. Go visit Sarah on her brand new site, sweetchicksaustin.com! More content will be added in the coming weeks, but they already have a hilarious blog & an active Facebook Fan Page (look at these photos & try not to drool. I dare ya). They're based in Austin but are taking orders outside the city, so you can have gooey happiness from anywhere! That's what she said.

Related posts:

1. Decent-Steak-Dinner Dreams & Pretty-Good-Beer Wishes
2. What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams?
3. Tough (Question) Tuesday: Are you making things too complicated?

This week has been a roller coaster, but once I thought I was at the bottom I was shot back up to the top again. In that instant, I made this video.

Spoiler alert: I don't cry, but I almost cry. Through the whole damn thing. So it almost adds up to a real cry. Please don't ask for a refund.

How to Really, Truly, Deeply, Honestly, Thoroughly, Trust (& Become an Optimist) from WhenIGrowUpCoach on Vimeo.

Related posts:

1. Tough (Question) Tuesday: What can you trust about yourself/this situation?
2. 5 Ways to Trust Yourself/Slay the Disappointment Vampire
3. Confession: I'm a Self-Help Virgin

live from your heart, uploaded by Deb Did It, found via kind over matter

March 29, 2010

Dear Michelle,

It's your first day as a full-time entrepreneur! Well, technically it's your 6th day, but since last week was Soul Week this is your first “official” day. Doesn't it feel warm? Doesn't it feel special? Doesn't it feel peaceful & right? Can't you get a glimpse of what your life will be like from now on (hint: you call the shots & plan your day around your values & intentions!)? You're already off to a great start, having showered, gotten dressed, enjoyed a cup of coffee & a bowl of cereal & some time with your Google Reader. Heck, you even returned some emails & crossed some stuff off your To Do List – but you eased into it slowly. And here it is, only 9:30a & you're already honoring the Me Time you want to have in each work day.

I know it still seems like you're on vacation. But isn't that telling – a vacation to you is full of coaching work!? That's how you know that this is It. This is For Real. This is Your Life, & your career is wrapped tight within it. It's always felt like a separate entity – “work” & “life”. When have they cohabitated, ever? When you were performing, probably – the summer stock, regional & cruise ship gigs where you didn't have any other job but to get on stage a few times a week. Did that seem as seamless as this, though? If it did, I don't remember it well. Coaching, & being your own boss, just seems to flow as a soulful, true part of your life, doesn't it? It's not even a “piece” or “part” of your life, because it doesn't feel like it's a separate entity from life itself. It's really, really nice.

You're worrying about money, though. I can tell. However, is “worry” the right word? You're not stressed or anxious about it, which is nice. Still, it's there, looming, that one black cloud that's threatening to hide the sunshine that's invaded your world. You look at your client list &, while as robust as it could have been with the day job, you now think, “It's not enough.” You're allowing yourself to imagine that worst case scenario, which, thankfully, isn't too too terrible – just another day job. Part-time, even. But acknowledging that Plan B calms you, makes you smile, lets you think, “That's it? That's the worst case scenario? I could deal with that if I had to. That's not failing. That's coping, dealing with cards that I might be dealt in the best way I could possibly deal ‘em. I could live through that, & even be proud of it. Easy breezy.”

You're going to be OK. No – scratch that. You're going to thrive. Because even if Plan B becomes Plan Right Now, you're still in the right place – the place that honors your grown-up life & all the goodness that comes with it. You got yourself there, & I couldn't be more excited for you.

You are home.

Love, Future Michelle

Related posts:

1. Motivation Monday: Home
2. I'm Home, & I Thank You…
3. Tough (Question) Tuesday: What aren't you being nice to yourself about, & how you gonna start?

I realized last week that this past Saturday, the 19th, marked 3 whole months as a Woman of the World / full-time creative career coach / jailbird from Corporate America. I can hardly freakin' believe it (I think May went by in about a day & a half), but it's true. Here's a summation of what's been rockin' & what's been less rockin' since then:

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The second Law of Attraction video is up on Spring, along with a giveaway! Enter by 12p Eastern today for your chance to win a Bring Your Own Sunshine print (aw).

Get Danielle LaPorte’s Nuggets of Genius in your own home, on your own time.  The Digital Firestarter Sessions from my “cult leader” are taking the Interwebs by storm!

What’s your Joy Equation? Find out with Molly Hoyne’s Pay-What-You-Can-Afford Program!

Related posts:

1. I Quit My Day Job! Are You Next?
2. I Quit My Day Job!
3. 101 Goals in 1001 Days!