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Here we are, week 6 of Wreck This Journal, and I'm at such a breaking point right now. OK, maybe not a breaking point, but kind of a standstill. A standstill for wusses. I've discovered that I am so embarrassed to do anything weird & public with the journal (like walk it)- or even ask someone to wreck it for me (like one page instructs) - that I just completely, uh, stopped wrecking. For a week. A week! That's why there was no entry last week, although I came up with various excuses that consciously convinced me that they were the real reason I wasn't wrecking (although subconsciously I knew better). So I'm still on the “safe” pages, like the ones I wrecked this week (which can't even be all pretty like they usually are, because Picnik is stinking today & won't compress my photos! Grr!):

Even though the stamp page has been covered, it's way too neat & orderly for me. I have a feeling that I'm gonna keep piling on the stamps until we're officially done at the end of the month.

I could not figure out how to cover the hole at the bottom of my funnel, so the water kept pouring through. I finally stuck my pinky finger in there, filled it up, & drank the water as quickly as possible before it all spilled out. I think I probably drank a quarter of what I poured in there. I was such a water chaser.

I never put my jeans in the dryer (unless I'm not interested in eating or breathing the next day), so I had to dry my page on the drying rack. I liked having it there.

I have so many random items in my purse that I decided to limit myself to the garbage that was in there. As you can see, I had a cold recently & practically live on Orbit gum. I really like the empty pack of gum that I glued on the left page, since it sticks out of my journal & makes it look extra wrecky.

Now don't get me wrong, dear readers & fellow wreckers - I am having fun with my wrecking! But, I hate to say it, I'm getting bored. I want to go outside & rub the journal in the dirt! I want to live by my Wreck This Journal mantra of Make a Mess, Michelle & do it for the world to see. OK, that last part is a lie, but I do want to take this to another level & I have to get over this shyness (which I've never experienced before ever. Really. Not once).

So I'm going to promise you this: this week, I'm going to make myself do whatever page I turn to. I'm not allowed to pick & choose this week! That'll show me.

Related posts:

1. Wreck This Journal!
2. Wreck This Journal: Chew, Lose or Vlog
3. Wreck This Journal: Playing with my Food

GUYS! GUYS!  IT'S MY 200TH POST! Holy crapballs that's a lot. I wanted to arrange for it to rain balloons & streamers & ice cream cake in the homes of all my readers, but I just didn't have the time. So, I picked a new, exciting, awesomely awesome way to celebrate - a  video of me! Talking & chewing paper! At the end of this post! It's just like ice cream cake, right? Right? Right.

I'm getting so into the book, it's been kinda sorta taking over my life. In addition to all the pages you see below (& the video! Eek!), I have started 3 or 4 more pages that aren't quite done yet. I am loving this process & am constantly thinking about what I can use for the book while out & about in the world. I'm also taking the Perfectionism Vampire & punching him in the face, while embracing my inner 6 year old & allowing myself to play for playing sake. This group is filled with amazing artists, & while I love seeing their creative, beautiful, inspiring work I have found that I'm not comparing myself to them anymore (as in “They know what they're doing/are amazing & I don't/am sucky”). My pages are my pages. They're there as a showcase of me, & if they aren't as creative or beautiful or inspiring as the real live artists in the group, well…they are, because they're mine. It's a really nice feeling, letting go of this competitive streak while allowing the pages of others to inspire me.

The big disappointment this week is that my journal wrecking date at the High Line with Magpie this week was canceled due to the rain. I read in an article dated June 19th that NYC has gotten double the amount than usual, & the month was still 11 days from ending! I'm putting my sights on July for Magpie + When I Grow Up wreckage!

So, without further adieu, the damage for the week:

Notice the end all the way at the top? That's when my pen decided to commit page suicide:

Yes, I believe I will have a hunchback by the time I turn 40. I always carry a ridiculously heavy bag with me:

Bye, page! Hope a nice Mets fan going to Citi(Taxpayers) Field on the LIRR will find you & give you a good home:

These were the remains of some When I Grow Up postcards that I cut up. I used the white parts to make a sunny day (left, & yes, that's a boat in the water & birds in the sky) & a rainy day (which it was at the time, not surprisingly!). The heart was there prior to the sunny day/rainy day idea & I just kept it, even though rainy days can suck it right now. I also love the idea that something from my coaching is in my book. It adds some love between the pages:

Inspired by Keri Smith's Touch Map, I traced my hand & then filled it in with everything I remembered touching so far that day:

But this is the motherload, people. I know that I didn't walk the journal as promised (feel free to call me out on it - I have a ton of excuses but not really a good one), so I created a video of me chewing on paper to make it up to you. Yes, it's my first vlog post! That still totally counts as doing something scary (both vlogging & eating paper), so hopefully I'll be off the hook for not doing my journal walking this week.

Here you go: enjoy! Eek!

Wreck This Journal: Chew Here from WhenIGrowUpCoach on Vimeo

This was gonna be where I ended the post, until I realized IT'S MY 200TH POST! Holy crapballs that's a lot. I wanted to arrange for it to rain balloons & streamers & ice cream cake in the homes of all my readers, but I just didn't have the time. So, the video above - a  new, exciting, scary frontier - will be the celebration! It's just like ice cream cake, right? Right? Right.

Related posts:

1. Wreck This Journal: A Hole Lot of Messes
2. Wreck This Journal!
3. Wreck This Journal: Playing with my Food

I know I've had issues. I know I've had fear. I know I've been missing weeks & being down on myself & been wearing my poopypants. I know. It's been sucky and lame-o for me, too.

But no more.

Wrecking my journal is not a chore. It's not a scary monster out to make me feel dumb. It is an instrument for freedom, and creativity, & fun. I started here, at this fun/silly/messy place, but came to a complete stop at one point or another. So, in order to start again, I didn't just do whatever a random page told me to do - like I said I'd do in my last post - but instead, I hand-picked my fun.

“What looks like fun?”, I asked myself. “Oh, this page - where you sample substances in your home based on color. Let's see what I have…oh, some sunscreen & some lotion, I'll finger paint that on (& call the mess in the middle “sunotion”)…and oh, there's obviously some red wine & red wine vinegar, so I'll pour that on…The red wine vinegar isn't showing up as red! Huh! Oh well, that's weird. Now I have this honey for a yellowish color & a few drops of this vanilla to blen-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”  That's when the entire bottle of vanilla poured onto the book, because, uh, I bake so often that I (didn't at all, in any way shape or form) realized that the bottle of vanilla didn't have a top to contain it in any way, so when you pour it out you pour it out.

And y'know what? I was thrilled. I laughed & took in the overwhelming odor of vanilla-y goodness that was my journal, and loved how it soaked through almost every page. To caption it, I wrote “Aah! Vanilla spill! Yummy messy smelly fun!” And I was off and running.

From glitter glue drops….:

…to circling words I like in a random page from a magazine (and yes, “whore” is circled. I happen to like that word… as a word)….:

…to actually opening the set of watercolors I got from the dollar store weeks ago after my last session with my coach inspired me to paint my sign…:

…to pasting a random page from a newspaper (I even closed my eyes and everything, but it must have been camelot* that made me pick not only the real estate section, but the Brooklyn apartment listings, which is where we're thinking of buying an apartment):

Now my journal doesn't close. And smells like vanilla. And has an empty pack of gum sticking out of it, which can be seen no matter what page you're on. And I love it.

I know that The Next Chapter closes this chapter in a week, and I have a feeling that, with the way my coaching has blown up (I've gone from 2 clients/wk to 5, with 2 on the way & a group coaching session starting Thursday!), I ain't gonna be done when everyone else is. But I'm making a promise to all y'all and to myself when I say that I'm gonna keep on wrecking, and keep on documenting it here for the world to witness - me, playing, making a mess, painting, wrecking, & having fun.

* If you now have the title song from “Camelot”, or any song from “Camelot” in your head, award yourself 10 musical theater points.

Related posts:

1. Wreck This Journal: A Hole Lot of Messes
2. Wreck This Journal: Standstill for Wusses
3. Wreck This Journal!

So here we are: the official last day of The Next Chapter's Wreck This Journal. This is supposed to be the day of wreckoning (so puntastic!), where my journal should have been dropped, flung, walked, mailed, showered & slept with, beautified, uglified & just basically…wrecked.

Well, I ain't done yet! When I first started I wondered how I was going to stretch this out over a long month, but now I wonder if another one would even be sufficient to complete it. I've realized, though, that it doesn't matter how long this journey takes me, as I am thoroughly enjoying the ride. Even the scary parts that force me to go outside my comfort zone - even them! - I can see now that it's all a part of me becoming artistic in a way that I never thought I would - on paper. When I take my 90-180 minutes of Me Time a week, I know that my journal will call me to come out and play.

I did a lot of wrecking this week, starting with my envelope doodles (& yes, I was on the phone. It was a long call!):

…continuing with the one word that fuels all I do:

…and a night spent with the journal under my pillow. Think I'll pass the test tomorrow on out-of-the-box thinking, even though I didn't study?:

…and finishing first thing this morning with making my cover unique, pasting my personal Feelgood List from upupcreative to remind me what I want my days & weeks to consist of. I was going to recycle the pages I had that came out in black & white, because they were so uninspiring for me, but I knew they belonged here, on my journal, front & center. I made a collage of them with rubber cement and filled in the black type with color:

There aren't words to describe how thankful I am for this experience, and sharing it with the unbelievable community of The Next Chapter, lead by the incomparable Jamie Ridler, is one of the smartest things I've done. If anyone else isn't quite done yet, please let me know in the comments below so we can keep supporting each other through the additional August wrecking!

Be proud of your messes, each and every day. I know I am!

Related posts:

1. Wreck This Journal: Standstill for Wusses
2. Wreck This Journal: Chew, Lose or Vlog
3. Wreck This Journal: Breakin' On Through to the Other (Fun!) Side