Veronica's blog

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.  I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.  I was naïve.  I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer.  It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself." 

~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

What causes us to have a lack of peace in our lives? I'm musing on this today, as I started my day with a long beautiful walk through the creekside in my neighborhood. So much of my days these last months have been spent lost in being unsure of my place in this world - my purpose, my reason for being.

It's interesting to me how again and again we as a whole tend to place so much of who we are into what we do. And it's concerning to me because here I am, knowing on the one hand how ridiculous that is, and yet feeling that way in spite of the knowing.

How do I shut that out? At what point do I need to reach before the light goes on and I am simply grateful for being in this place, a place that not many get to have? Each day I am met with choices of what I want to create, who I want to communicate with, how I want to meet my day. A gift indeed, I know this. So where does the angst come from?

I have always been a person of doing...go-go-go. I am not a person used to sitting still, I'll admit that openly. In the last 2 years however, I've had the opportunity, if not the choice, to build into me as an individual, as a woman, a wife, a friend. Perhaps I've taken advantage of the time, wasted it by feeling this horrendous useless guilt for no longer go-go-going...

I think what I need to do is simply BE. In gratitude. Peace comes in the acceptance of ones self. In accepting who I am, for who I am, not what I do, I can find the peace I'm searching for. And in the peace, I will be able to finally hear the still small voice that reminds me of who I am, what I'm made for, and the purpose in in the midst of all of that.

Purpose is in each moment where you meet yourself in the mirror each day. It's in the new faces you come across in your journey, where you have the opportunity to let them be seen in a smile, a hello, a simple connection. It's in the way you decide to love, to laugh, to breathe, to enjoy the blessings you have in your life, for all they are and all they offer.

The bottom line is, while life might not look or feel or act the way you want it to, expect it to, it's your life. Deal with it. Take it for what it is and enjoy what it is for you TODAY. Right now. and if you can get that figured out, all the rest will fall into place, the peace, the happiness, a sense of contentedness that makes this need for purpose seem less important.

Purpose is not in the DOING. I think it's in the BEING. This is my take away today. I'm going to focus on this today and then tomorrow I'll make the choice to focus on this once again and hopefully, day after day, this will eventually become a habit in such a way that it becomes a part of who I am, without effort.

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem." ~David Carradine

Thanks for taking the journey with me and hopefully there is some take away for you in this as well. Here's to the BEING.

This morning my husband and I were discussing the idea of positive thinking verses negative thinking and I found myself spending some time musing on this once again. Oh yes, I've done this before and while the subject is seemingly clear cut, as time passes on and experience teaches wisdom, here I am, sharing with all of you my thoughts on this today.

Does positive thinking equal success?

It's an interesting ideal, as one must first perhaps, understand what it means to be positive in the first place. My husband does not call me positive. He in fact, prefers to call me naive, albeit sweetly so. The concern here is my naivete' cause me to not see the world so clearly and so it must mean that I am deluded, choosing to be blind to the realities of this world.

Now my husband, true to life's cosmic sense of humor, is in fact, my complete opposite. We're a perfect match in the well rounded sense. But the kicker here, is that I, the ever optimist, married and committed to someone who is quite honestly, quite negative. Now he will tell you he is not negative. He will say instead, that he is a realist. And maybe he is. Maybe he sees the world quite clearly through his glasses while I choose to walk around this thing called life with my polarized Ray-bans, seeing everything in the most incredibly flattering light.

Who is better off? Who is the successful one here?

POSITIVE - having a good effect : favorable b : marked by optimism <the positive point of view> indicating, relating to, or characterized by affirmation, addition, inclusion, or presence rather than negation, withholding, or absence ~Marriam-Webster.com

NEGATIVE - lacking positive qualities; especially : disagreeable b : marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism that hinder or oppose constructive treatment or development <negative criticism> ~ Marriam-Webster.com

I've been thinking alot lately about the heart, and how we take strides to protect our hearts without even knowing it.

What is it about our lives, the day to day paths we take, the experiences we have, that make us put walls up around our hearts? And in doing so, are we really protecting ourselves from hurt, or are we actually just hurting ourselves more by trying to protect our hearts from the mere possiblity of getting hurt again?

I've discovered that in order for us to grow beyond whatever hurt we have experienced in the past, we need to leave that hurt where it belongs, in the past, and move forward. By doing so, we can be free from a fear that can truly hold us back from living the kind of life we're meant to live.

When we hide in fear, those walls of protection all around us in the disguide of defensiveness, humour, selfishness, or just checking out, I believe we are unable to grow in who we are meant to be and serve as we are meant to serve in this world. I also believe that little by little, those walls smother us and shrink us down to the point that we no longer have the ability to discern ourselves. We may desire change, but have no way of actually making change because we become so small and scared. We strong, confident, beautiful beings in essence are reduced to a ball curled up on the floor, getting kicked around by life that is happening all around us. Can we truly desire our lives to be lived out in such a way? I can't think so. So then, how do we free ourselves from it?

I really feel we are, all around us, surrounded by loving friendship and support. We are not meant to live this life alone. This is why we have family, why we build friendships, why we long for community and relationship. What we need to remember though, is what those relationships need to be at times. Accountable, loving, open and honest and daring to speak out to eachother in a way where we can be challenged and desire to change and grow - together. Like reaching your hand down to that curled up ball and helping them on their feet, so must we challenge eachother to look at ourselves truly in the mirror and see our potential, our hope and our future. The past is there as a reminder only to serve us in learning. It's not meant to be held on to, at times even ferociously. When we let the past go and move boldly one step at a time forward, we can be truly free and we become alive once again, wiser and more hopeful.

I've mused enough for one day, but I'd love to know your thoughts on this, and if you feel like you are a person living and trapped by the past and your fears, or someone who has been there, done that, and took those bold strides to step out, step up and step ahead.

Be in this moment, live it the best you can be and love on someone else today with an open heart. That ability will change the relationships around you and be a light where at times there is no light. And we all grow in light, don't we...

So many times in our life we are met with challenge.

It shows up in all kinds of ways. It can cut us to our core. It can even appear to break us.

It’s not about the challenge. It’s never about the challenge. But the challenge deceives us. It makes us think it’s important. That it matters. But the challenge doesn’t matter. It’s only one aspect to life. How else do we learn? How else do we grow? How else do we persevere?

It’s not the challenge that matters. It’s what you DO with the challenge that matters. How you respond to it, choose to build on it or fight it, or step around it.

In ‘Remember the Titans’ a team was built on shaky foundation but was built up to be unshakable and uncompromising. An interconnectedness and strength that was immovable. It wasn’t easy. They were alone in a multitude of haters. But they persevered. How?

One thing that comes to my mind is the power of TEAM. We are stronger by the numbers. Because it is when you are weak that another comes in to make you strong. That when you are afraid, someone can come along and offer you the courage to carry on, with their hand in yours. We were created to connect and support one another. And it’s when we connect and support one another that we are unbeatable!

As you think about the challenges in your life, you might be met by fear, guilt, uncertainty, grief, insecurity, a lack of strength or knowledge; you may have no idea where to turn to!

Now look around your life. Look at your family. Look at your friends. Your co-workers. The mentors in your life. Those you might even look up to, but never spend time with or perhaps you don’t even know them personally.

All around you, there lays connection. Like the journey of life, yours is a road that rises and falls, carries rocks and rivers, wide and  winding just when you got used to the straight and narrow. And on your road, you will find you come along all kinds of intersections along the way, both short and long. Those intersections are there for you, offering you choice, new beginnings, new findings.

You are NEVER ALONE! Every road, every rock, every mountain and waterfall in the journey of your life is there to serve you, support you, challenge you. But you don’t ever have to do it alone.

Remember to see those around you that are in your life and let them be there for you. When challenges arise, and they will, reach out. Draw them close. And do not EVER give in to the challenge. There is purpose in everything that shows up in your life. How will you allow challenge to grow the person you are today?

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own.

~Ben Sweetland

Whenever you doubt yourself, remember. Remember the Titans.

I've been musing on JOY lately.As I connect with so many women in and around my day to day world, I'm finding out that many of do not even remember the concept of what JOY is anymore.

Joy is not in things; it is in us. ~Richard Wagner

When asking 'When was the last time you experienced real joy in your life', many sent me messages that included,

- 'Joy, what's joy?'

- 'I think it's something you feel for a moment on Christmas morning right?'

- 'My children experience and offer me joy every day'.

- 'Joy isn't realistic'

- 'You need to make joy in your life each day, it doesn't just make itself'.

What comes to your mind when you ponder the idea of JOY in your life? Is it just an idea? Do you experience it at all? And do you look for joy in your life?

I'm pondering this idea of how when we purposefully choose to look for certain things in our life, does this mean we find it, experience it, control our lives more because of it?

AND CAN WE LIVE WITHOUT JOY??

So many people today believe that the idea of joy is over rated or that it's too dramatic or emotional a feeling to have. I can't help but wonder how this works as we live to simply be satified. At what point does being satisfied just not cut it?

There could be a balance between the two. That when we simplify our life, remove the clutter that holds us back in the many forms, we can then have the sight, the capacity to find joy that is waiting to be discovered in and all around our lives. Because more and more today we fill every moment of our lives with the tasks at hand, the financial commitments that take front and centre of our hours, zoning out in front of the television, running to and from the demands of all the commitments we make in our schedules...it seems never ending. What are we living for? What are we living towards?

Practicing the act of experiencing joy in our life each can

- increase our capacity for everything we hold in our lives

- improve our relationships

- decrease our level of stress

- improve our overall health

- improve your overall happiness

- increase your ability to laugh

- create more of a positive outlook on life

And I'm sure we can think of more.

So today, I'm challenging you to consider looking for joy in your life. It really is all around you, just waiting to be discovered and held, experienced and lived out.

“Joy is the feeling of grinning inside.” ~Melba Colgrove

DEFINITIONS OF "JOY"

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/joy 

I'm musing on today, as women across the world celebrate International Woman's Day, a day to celebrate all we have accomplished, fought for and continue to fight for today.

It’s interesting to me, when I look around and see the unity in my life born from connection and comradery, support and challenge, stubbornness and hope for the future, women all around me who never give up, have this incredible way of balancing hard core standards and determination with care and understanding, empathy and a belief in the human spirit. It’s something that can be taught to all mankind, but today, as I focus on the gift of being a woman, I am in awe.

We have a long way to go. In many countries there are still young women being sold into slavery and prostitution. There are still countries where women are made to work for nothing because of the belief that that is all they are worth, their purpose simply to serve and procreate. I’m so blessed to know and understand that I live in a country of great freedom, where women are given every right and the ability to speak their mind, share their thoughts and opinions and fight for their place in this world. I am honoured to be part of a huge group of women that support one another, encourage one another, would fight to the death for one another, simply because that’s who we are.

This day is not simply about women’s rights and freedoms. Since 1999 this incredible day has served as a marking of celebration. Of recognition. Of achievements and hope and the reflection of all we have come from, survived in, created from, believed in...and here we are.

I wanted to take this day to say THANK YOU to every woman in and around my life that has reminded me of what I’m made of and what I’m made for, and I want to say THANK YOU for everything you stand for and are an example to. You remind me of the hope there is in this world and of the hope there has ALWAYS been in this world.

And for everyone else out there who happens to be reading this, I thank you too in advance, as I hope a day like today, as we look back and see the examples of hope in the thousands over decades in the women everywhere that have survived unspeakable betrayal, pain, hurt, degradation and disrespect, will pass hope on to you, reminding you that this world we live in today is not all darkness and hatred. Every day offers new hope and the ability to change, grow and pass along to others. We just have to hold our hands out and grab onto another. Hand in hand we create hope for the future and a bright and beautiful future at that. This is my prayer today and of course, my hope as well.

This day should also serve as a reminder to everyone, men and women alike, that we are not to underestimate the power of who we are to someone else. Lend a helping hand. stand up for the little guy. Support one another in the big things and the small things. Pat each other on the back when encouragement is needed and never turn your back on the hurt that is all around you. You have so much to give, in the wonderful one-of-a-kind you that you are. Make it count.

Happy International Woman’s Day everyone.

Details to factor...

~ In 1910 non African working women met in Europe to fight for the right to work less hours

~ On March 11, 1911, Women’s Day was honoured for the first time in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland.

~ In 1975, the United Nations made March 8^th officially the International Women’s Day, a day set aside to demand rights and freedoms

~In 1999 International Women’s Day changed to be a day to celebrate and signify women’s accomplishments and achievements.

I'm musing this morning on two stories in two separate places of two separate men, and the two separate and very different ways each of these two men chose to respond to their circumstance.

One is a man who is angry at the IRS. So angry in fact that he lights his home on fire then proceeds to fly a small aircraft into an office building carrying over 190 IRS employees, thus causing his supposed death and the injury of atleast 13 others, two of which had to be hospitalized. While the news stories vary, his actions are clear - he made the choice to effect his circumstance with violence and reaction. I felt sad when I read his story and frustrated over such a severe reaction taken here that effected so many others that had nothing to do with his anger and frustration.

Another is a man is a migrant worker who lost his job and was found this week creating art off the water in Vancouver Canada. This man had come upon this area full of rocks making up the shore and decided he could make it look nicer. He then went to work to create over 1000 pieces of rock art by stacking the rocks all around him. He told reporters that he felt it was cathartic. He was angry at his circumstance and creating these rock statues by simply piling one rock onto another makes his spirit feel more calm. He felt it was healing. I was touched by this simple concept and it was clear in his attitude that he was doing the best he could given his circumstance. I was inspired by him!

Today more than ever, we are all looking for ways to deal with what life is handing out given the economy, the crime, the war, the destruction, the stress all around us. Many turn to yoga, meditation, life coaching and more in order to deal with all of the things that are out of our control, but still many more feel they can do nothing and so it all just piles up. What is the breaking point?

How do you deal with your life's circumstance?

I can't help but think we could all use some rock-art building time.

Take time to breathe when things don't turn out the way you expected. Then step back and look at it from the many perspectives that can exist for any circumstance. How can this new circumstance help to serve you now? Focus your eyes ahead so that you can keep moving forward with your new circumstance in mind, not looking back or asking 'what-if's' along the way. And always look for hope.

The truth is, there are some things we simply cannot change. Life happens with or without our acceptance of it. Do we rant and rave? Or do we flow with the tide and see where life is taking us?

While one man chose not to live with it, the other did. Which is the winner here? While one man will be remembered for a short moment in the news, just one of many reacting to life through the use of violence, the other man will be discovered, touch lives all around him, is leaving his mark, and I'll bet before the day is done he's had atleast one job offer. And so life rolls on.

 "Life is Change. Growth is Optional. Choose Wisely." ~ Clark, Karen Kaiser

What an interesting group of humans we are...

Again and again, I run across clients, friends,(and of course myself included in the mix here), of many a time when there tends to be lack of belief in the importance self. You know...YOU. Believing YOU are important. Such an odd idea, hey? Well it shouldn't be!!

Again and again, we are placing the needs of others in front of our own and while I myself believe that is a noble and selfless thing to do, at what point do we stop, look around and go, hey...I need to be placing my own needs first now and again. And what is wrong with this notion?

I think society as a whole has somehow convinced themselves and everyone around them that if we put our needs first, we are somehow selfish, ignorant, intolerant, self centered ...well you get the idea here. Ah, but is it that black and white? I can't help but think that there needs to be some shades of grey weaved into this, for the sake of all of us.

When we continually place the needs of others in front of our own, there is a dangerous bend that can happen where we begin to see patterns in our thoughts. Thoughts that include guilt for wanting or feeling things that might be outside of the other persons wants or feelings. Thoughts that include resentment for never feeling like the other person gives out as much as you do. Thoughts of self doubt and fear and the sudden realization that you just are not as important as the other person! And then one day, we come to a realization that we have no idea what makes us happy, no idea who we are, what we want, what makes us tick...I mean, when I put it like that, it's kind of ridiculous, right? But we do it, don't we?

Think back...ask yourself - when was the last time I needed to put my own needs first and did NOT feel guilty for it? If you didn't feel guilt, was it maybe doubt? Or maybe you're shaking your head at the screen right now, thinking, I don't remember the last time I put my needs first, come on!

So what's the big deal, right? Maybe it's not a big deal. But maybe, just maybe, it is a part of the bigger problem here, where we walk around each other, not really sure how to be real and honest and true with one another anymore. Maybe it's one of the many reasons why we have lost our ability to truly know who we are, what we want, why we want it - because we are all just trying to make everyone else happy and not rock the boat!

I'm musing on this today and appreciate your thoughts on this particular subject. But don't do it for me. Do it for you. Because as you reflect on this and therefore on yourself and your own life...what does it mean?

Shades of grey means it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It means that I'm asking you to consider in real authenticity, your willingness, ability and choice to place your own needs first now and again.

How? How, you ask? Well, let's start here...and feel free to add to the list here...

1 - Boundaries...learning when to say yes and when to say no.

2 - Being honest and true to yourself when you commit to any one decision that you make that effects your life and the lives of others.

3 - Uncover what your non-negotiables are. What do you live and die by? 

4- Have peace and joy in your life, maybe not 100% of the time, but atleast 50%.

5- Whatever you put out, put atleast half back in. This way, you never run out of YOU to put out.

Makes sense, right? not so hard to imagine, is it? Ok, I got the ball rolling here...Now it's your turn...what else can you do to serve yourself best?

I, as always, look forward to your feedback, push back, pullback and whatever else you can dish out. :)

YTI Coaching and Mentoring Services is proud to support the biggest Charity Tweetup that Calgary has ever seen.

On January 12th, 2010 Haiti experienced an earthquake measuring 7.0 on the richter scale.

On Thursday, January 28th, Calgary is going to help.

Get involved by checking out this incredible Silent Auction and Fundraiser to be held at Flames Central, including a 6 week Life Coaching package from YTI Coaching and Mentoring Services.

Hope to see you there!

YYC4Haiti, in support of the Canadian Red Cross Haiti Relief. Join. Donate. Auction. Give.

www.yyc4haiti.com 

So, I'm musing the last few days on the idea of etiquette...I can't help but wonder actually, if anyone under the age of 25 even knows the word, let alone what it means. And for those of us in the 25-45 range, it might actually just be a word, something we might THINK we know the meaning of, but actually use the practice of it sparingly at best.

Have I lost you already? Or or you thinking I've simply lost my mind here? Stay with me. I'm thinking this through as I'm wondering frustratingly over what has happened to our ability to communicate with one another.

My husband was telling me the other day how frustrated he gets again and again when in his business meetings, he will begin to talk only to be interrupted or worse - not even heard at all - and then someone else will say the very same thing he did only moments ago...has this ever happened to you when speaking in a group setting? It makes you kind of...well...grrrrrrr.....that's all I can say here. I feel for him. I too have found the same thing happening all around me to myself and others and lately as I am completely curious and baffled over this social networking thing, created in the form of various web sites, I'm wondering, where did we go wrong? And yes...etiquette came to mind.

It used to be that you were actually TAUGHT etiquette in school - you actually took a class on how to behave in public. What ever happened to that? Don't you think in times like these, when we have become so socially inept outside of the technical arena with one another...we could use a lesson or two on how to communicate with one another, how to listen, really listen to what someone is saying, how to make eye contact, how to be compassionate with all those around you, how to help people all around you, treat people, drive in public...you get where I'm going right? Simply put - could we not use a lesson or two in etiquette in order to learn how to be decent human beings who know how to behave with one another?

This sounds worse than it is, perhaps...but think about what is happening to our communication style...we go out with friends, share a meal, spend some time with one another...but at some point in your short time together - this time you've decided to reconnect and share with one another - you or those around you will have picked up a cell phone, 'crack-berry, i-phone, laptop and check out. What is so important, or MORE important that it can't wait?  

How many times in a store have you been getting service and the retailer just walks away to answer the phone, thus deciding you can wait and the phone is more important than you? Or you are attempting to have a converationb with someone, only to find that it's a one way conversation...the person who should be listening has actually no idea what you have just said - 'Oh look a bird' syndrome...how rude!

How often can you say you are keeping your friendships in check through status updates on social network internet sites like Facebook or Twitter? When was the last time you received an email from a friend or family member and they went through the site, not even bothering to email you the old fashioned way? What's going on?

We ache for relationship but have lost the ability to know how to find it, nurture it, keep it. We want peace in a seemingly hopeless world,  but does it not need to start with the simple ability to communicate with one another, openly and honestly, choosing to be completely present? Have we lost the ability to be in one place at one time?

In reading this, what observations can you make on your own abilities in etiquette and communication? I am musing on this myself...let me know your thoughts, as always. :)

"Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than what is absolutely essential." ~Will Cuppy